What I feel like - nothing

[mrsbrown]

I haven't done anything. Not for quite a while. In my head this evening I thought that I was waiting until things get so disorganised at home that I have to get in and do something.

And then I realised that J has been stopping that from happening. In the past when I have felt like this, when I was single, I would get to the point where I couldn't move in the kitchen and there were no more clothes to wear and then I would have to do something about it. And in the energy burst required to pull my life into enough order to feed my children and get to work in clean clothes, I would snap out of it.

So I've been waiting to snap out of it. I've been allowing myself to read books and watch tv and surf and generally mope around the house because I've done this before and eventually I snap out of it. But, I realised this evening, I'm probably going to have to find another way out. Because the kitchen is clean, my children have been fed, there is food in the house and underwear in my drawer and I haven't done a thing about making sure that happened

I've felt on the cusp of breaking out for about a week now. (About the time I got my period - any coincidence there?) I've done a bit more this week than I did last. Maybe I'll look for the breakout when I've finished Diplomatic Immunity.

Comments

[splodgenoodles.livejournal.com]

A true moment of realisation: you are unhappy because things are good.

You can either tell J to be a good for nothing slob, or you can say "fucking yippee! self cleaning underwear!!" and find a new way to motivate yourself, and I think you should do the latter.

I am laughing. Hard.

Re:

[splodgenoodles.livejournal.com]

ooh. although I hope you feel less miserable soon.

xx