The REAL life experience meme

This grabs me more than that other one doing the rounds - I think I'm old. Thanks, splodgenoodles

1. Have you ever complained about the noise?
No
2. Have you ever refinanced a mortgage?
Yes
3. Have you ever been married?
yes
4. Are you still married?
yes
5. Do you often have to google band names because you have *no idea*?
Not often, but I have. OTOH I can just ask my kids - if I'm willing to cope with the rolling eyes.
6. Have you ever done time?
no
7. Have you ever held the cops at bay for more than 24 hours?
Does participating in an illegal, peaceful protest count? That was 3 days.
8. Been diagnosed with prostate cancer?
nope
9. Had a prolapsed uterus?
Feels like it sometimes.
10. Are you restoring a vintage Harley?
Like someone else said, "I wish!" Actually it ought to be a Morris Minor
11.Have you nursed a lover/spouse who has had a stroke?
no
12.Do you run your own business?
no
13.Have you had an abortion?
yes
14.Have you joined the Mile High Club?
People with 4 children don't have the money to afford the airfare
15.Ever been a witness for the prosecution?
no
16.Have you ever hired somebody?
yes, sort of.
17.Have you ever fired somebody?
no
18.Have you ever searched your kid's room looking for drugs?
no, but I found some once...
19.Have you ever searched your grandkid's room looking for drugs?
not _that_ old
20. ....and flushed your findings down the toilet instead of taking them yourself.
see above
21. ... and not known what the hell they were anyway?

22.Have you ever bought a new mattress because the old one is way past its prime?
yes, but the old one was the one my parents owned when I was born - so I think that's reasonable.
23.Do you laugh at what teenagers are wearing these days?
Oh yes
24.Have you ever been pulled over for speeding by a goddammed child, for pete's sake!?!
yes
25.Can you recycle jokes so old that no one catches you out?
only when the listener is under ten.
26.Have people ever assumed you are a Mrs for no apparent reason?
yes....bummer!
27.Have you ever embarrassed a young person by the sheer fact of your presence? (God, that's fun! Wear high waisted pants for added pleasure.)
I achieved that at 30! Just by being that instant oldifying type - someone's mother!
28.Are you an executor on anyone's will?
yes
29.Have you dissolved an estate?
no, but that's just luck.
30.When you give helpful advice, do the recipients always say "you don't understand!!eleven!!1"?
I only have one sulky teenager in the house...
31.Have you ever remarried a former spouse?
no!
32....more than once?
see above
33.Do you have photos of your renovations-in-progress?
lots!!!
34.When you got back from your last working holiday, did you find everything was different and that your friends had all changed?
not crossed that one off my list yet.
35. ...and when you said something, did they say "well you were gone for 15 fucking years and you never even sent a postcard"?
see above
36.Have you ever bumped into your favourite teenage idol in the street and have him/her ask you for change?
no
37.....or shared a cheap flagon of port and talked about the good old days?
see above
38....and laughed at what the kids are wearing now?
see above... and the other above.
39.Have you ever had young folk ask to borrow your clothes for a bad taste party?
no
40.Have you ever had young folk offer to buy your clothes because now they are vintage and way cool. Or whatever the "in" word is these days, anyway.
no - never cool
41.Ever been formally interviewed about the good old days?
no
42. ...by a high school history student?
no
43. ...by someone from the National Archives?
no
44. ...by HM Queen Elizabeth II.
I wish...
45. ...and has she ever sent you a telegram?
no
46.Have you had a mammogram?
yes
47.Do you have a nice crystal cabinet?
no, I'm too cool for knick-knacks
48. ...that contains little china knick-knacks of which you are very fond?
see above
49. Have you ever been declared bankrupt?
no
50. Do you count the length of friendships by decades?
yes
51. Have you ever announced you aren't going to buy any new records because they're just ripping off the classics and not even attributing them anyway?
tempted...
52. ...and wondered why everybody laughed?
laughed myself, as the words crossed my lips and I made them cool by saying them in a cracked, old voice.
53: Do you reckon they just don't make porn as good as they used to?
hmmm, damned if I do, damned if I don't.