I haven't been able to settle to work since Tuesday. I have a fee proposal to complete that my brain is refusing to focus on. I sit down at my desk and wonder what I'm supposed to be doing, I look at my work list and then remember it, again! I open it and type a few words and then I'm off checking facebook, my email, wondering if I'm hungry and I find a distraction activity before I sit down at my desk and start again. I'd really like to put on some music and finish this stupid fee proposal - that's almost identical to the last 4 fee proposals I've written that normally take me less than 1 hour and which I've been trying to do since Wednesday afternoon. So here, have a dump about all the things/emotional turmoils and general worry I'm having.
1. My Dad is struggling with his new role as dementia carer. I went over there on Tuesday night for his birthday and he was mostly great, but then he burst into tears telling us about a bad day that he'd had recently. He also talked about how he has asked what other support he can get, but the care agency just told him that "they would get someone to call him back". Now I feel like I need to include him in my list of people to support. I spent Wednesday morning checking out Dementia support that would be suitable for the stage my Step mum is at.
2. Which is also a load. It's awful seeing my step mother stop talking at a family gathering, to hear Dad talking about the stuff she's struggling with. It's obvious that it's basically time to mourn the person she was and accept our changed relationship. It's shit.
3. And then, on Wednesday we found out that![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
17catherines had died. I only met her once in real life but her chirpy view of her world and ability to share it with the internet meant that I've followed her life for the past 15 years or so. As she reduced her posting here and on her politics and food blogs, I sought her out on Facebook and followed her day to day adventures. I loved that she was able to provide the care and friendship that I struggled to provide to an old friend and I loved seeing their adventures together. I 'm not grieving her as much as others surely are, but it's a loss that I've revisited a number of times over the past few days and it's made this week a bit harder. I'll miss her stories about working at WEHI and her cooking enthusiasms and her cycling adventures. I was so inspired by her plan to cycle from Brunswick to Williamstown and have a few days holiday, and then we found out that she'd died there. Unfair!
4. I think I have more work on than I've had in a while. Objectively, when I check my work lists, it's not more than I can do but my brain keeps revisiting the worry that I won't be able to get it done and then I sit at my desk and can't work out what to do first/next. Thanks brain.
5. I sent an email to my builder on Tuesday telling him that I want to terminate our contract. I'm in my legal rights to do it, but he hasn't responded and I wish he just would, so I can move on with the next stage. I want my renovation done this year and I'd quite like to Owner-Build it but see item 4
6. We've booked to go to Rowany Festival and that seems to include making both tents and clothes in the next 7 weeks, which include a trip to Canberra for one weekend. As I worry about being overwhelmed by the planning, organising and doing associated with this plan I've also been thinking about all the home based projects we've done in the past 2 years, that I think we had the energy for because we weren't sidetracked by Festival projects and the post-project slump afterwards.
7. I'm struggling to breath overnight. My nose/sinus feels blocked and I've woken up with a headache a couple of times. I had it regularly until about a year ago when I started taking an anti histamine before bed. Now I'm wondering if anti-histamines stop working and if I need to change drugs.
8. On Wednesday I was offered/appointed to this great local board position that I first applied for 2 years ago. There are some minor politics things happening around that that I'm feeling a bit uncertain about and the first meeting clashes with my first trip to the theatre in 2 years. Made worse because I booked the theatre last year and they've announced the meeting today as the only meeting that the local MP can attend. I think I'm going to the theatre, but I'm torn. I hate missing stuff.
9. R started Year 11 last week and she's mostly doing fine. I insisted that she do maths (I want her options open) but she's now had 2 anxiety driven days when she's felt that she needed to leave the maths class. I've put in a request for a maths tutor at school but I'm aware that if it gets too hard, I might need to accept that it's too much for her.
There. I thinks that's all. Maybe now I can sit here on the back verandah and get this fee proposal finished.
1. My Dad is struggling with his new role as dementia carer. I went over there on Tuesday night for his birthday and he was mostly great, but then he burst into tears telling us about a bad day that he'd had recently. He also talked about how he has asked what other support he can get, but the care agency just told him that "they would get someone to call him back". Now I feel like I need to include him in my list of people to support. I spent Wednesday morning checking out Dementia support that would be suitable for the stage my Step mum is at.
2. Which is also a load. It's awful seeing my step mother stop talking at a family gathering, to hear Dad talking about the stuff she's struggling with. It's obvious that it's basically time to mourn the person she was and accept our changed relationship. It's shit.
3. And then, on Wednesday we found out that
17catherines had died. I only met her once in real life but her chirpy view of her world and ability to share it with the internet meant that I've followed her life for the past 15 years or so. As she reduced her posting here and on her politics and food blogs, I sought her out on Facebook and followed her day to day adventures. I loved that she was able to provide the care and friendship that I struggled to provide to an old friend and I loved seeing their adventures together. I 'm not grieving her as much as others surely are, but it's a loss that I've revisited a number of times over the past few days and it's made this week a bit harder. I'll miss her stories about working at WEHI and her cooking enthusiasms and her cycling adventures. I was so inspired by her plan to cycle from Brunswick to Williamstown and have a few days holiday, and then we found out that she'd died there. Unfair!4. I think I have more work on than I've had in a while. Objectively, when I check my work lists, it's not more than I can do but my brain keeps revisiting the worry that I won't be able to get it done and then I sit at my desk and can't work out what to do first/next. Thanks brain.
5. I sent an email to my builder on Tuesday telling him that I want to terminate our contract. I'm in my legal rights to do it, but he hasn't responded and I wish he just would, so I can move on with the next stage. I want my renovation done this year and I'd quite like to Owner-Build it but see item 4
6. We've booked to go to Rowany Festival and that seems to include making both tents and clothes in the next 7 weeks, which include a trip to Canberra for one weekend. As I worry about being overwhelmed by the planning, organising and doing associated with this plan I've also been thinking about all the home based projects we've done in the past 2 years, that I think we had the energy for because we weren't sidetracked by Festival projects and the post-project slump afterwards.
7. I'm struggling to breath overnight. My nose/sinus feels blocked and I've woken up with a headache a couple of times. I had it regularly until about a year ago when I started taking an anti histamine before bed. Now I'm wondering if anti-histamines stop working and if I need to change drugs.
8. On Wednesday I was offered/appointed to this great local board position that I first applied for 2 years ago. There are some minor politics things happening around that that I'm feeling a bit uncertain about and the first meeting clashes with my first trip to the theatre in 2 years. Made worse because I booked the theatre last year and they've announced the meeting today as the only meeting that the local MP can attend. I think I'm going to the theatre, but I'm torn. I hate missing stuff.
9. R started Year 11 last week and she's mostly doing fine. I insisted that she do maths (I want her options open) but she's now had 2 anxiety driven days when she's felt that she needed to leave the maths class. I've put in a request for a maths tutor at school but I'm aware that if it gets too hard, I might need to accept that it's too much for her.
There. I thinks that's all. Maybe now I can sit here on the back verandah and get this fee proposal finished.
