There's a new one!

[mrsbrown]

I just retrieved a message from my home phone mesage bank.

The jehovah's witnesses would like me to come to one of their bible meetings.

They don't knock anymore?

Comments

They're nervous

[splodgenoodles.livejournal.com]

They know you know tenbears.

[tenbears.livejournal.com]

When they phone you:

- you can't flash them

- you can't feed them hash cookies

- you can't demand to see if they've got magic underwear like the mormons. (Tell them that the mormon boys did let you have a peek at the much coveted power panties. Tell them in detail. Mime the action and make the noises too.)

- you can't set dogs on them, attack them with the garden hose or scream good old fashioned abuse at them.

- you can't hug them, even if you think they need it.

- you can't engage them in over long and pedantic debate regarding the details of God's Kingdom on Earth, keeping them standing on the doorstep in the hot afternoon sun until they suddenly remember they've "left someone waiting in the car" and scarper.





Incidentally, here are some facts about God's Kingdom on Earth which I once gleaned from some new friends of mine.

FACT - It will be great.

FACT - Although it does say "eternal life" in the bible (and the bible is literally true, every word of it is straight from God's mouth to your ear) this actually refers to a greatly increased lifespan, probably in the order of a thousand years or so.

FACT - We will not get old or ugly until right at the end of our thousand year lifespan.

FACT - Increased lifespan will also bring about a revival of "veneration of the aged". That's right "veneration of the aged". That's how you say it "veneration of the aged". Apparently there used to be quite a lot of "veneration of the aged" but it ("veneration of the aged") became less common after society went to rack and ruin.

FACT - The lying down of lambs and lions is a reference to the fact that we will all be vegetarian.

FACT - Animals will all be vegetarian too, but the lion will have to chew rather harder than the lamb, owing to having teeth shaped for eating lambs rather than tofu burgers and buckwheat grass.

FACT - The lion will not be resentful about this and the lamb won't tease him.

FACT - We will all be in perfect health. All of us. All the time.

FACT - We will be able to smoke, but it won't kill us or make our breath stink.

FACT - We won't have to brush our teeth after meals, because our teeth won't rot and our breath won't get awful, but we will most likely do it anyway because we want to.

FACT - Perfect health includes an end to infertility and with it an end to the "Sin of IVF"

FACT - BTW we will not be celibate, nor will we be infertile, but neither shall we be over populated. Exact details to be made clear at some later stage.

FACT - Saying one thing and meaning another does not make the bible (pronounced God's Word, The Bible!) any less true.

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