I have to say it here because I'll just be rude elsewhere.

[mrsbrown]

What's so fucking hard about breastfeeding??????

If she bites - tell or train her not to!

Don't have enough milk? - feed her more often!

If it's too hard at two weeks?! Why do you expect it to be easy?

Just get on with it!

Unfortunately, we have to be understanding of "women and the choices they make". Crap. I'm sick of it.

Imagine if we lived in a world where you had to get a prescription for formula. Maybe Maternal and Child health nurses wouldn't be so quick to suggest formula supplementing if you had to spend two weeks in a clinic with intensive breastfeeding support before you qualified.

It's not the mothers choosing formula at fault, it's society making formula easier than persisting with breastfeeding that's the problem.


a few more thoughts

When I was nineteen and had my first baby, it never occurred to me that breastfeeding could be difficult, that I "might not produce enough milk" , that people would object to me feeding in public, that I should be embarrassed to show my breasts to strangers. In fact, that militant part of me was just waiting for some unsuspecting arsehole to suggest that I shouldn't feed my baby. Unfortunately, the arsehole never showed themselves.

I guess I came from a different part of society to many women. When I was nineteen, I had about 18 cousins that were younger than me. All of them had been breastfed and all of them were breastfed in front of me, at family gatherings. To me, breastfeeding was just what you did. Oh, and you didn't need a pillow, or a special hold, or a timer.

I was lucky again when I had my first bout of mastitis. I went to the doctor, she gave me antibiotics and told me to feed often. I got my second bout of mastitis soon after because I had increased my supply so much during the first bout. How can other women reduce supply from getting mastitis?

To be honest, I was too lazy to bottlefeed. The thought of getting up out of my warm bed just to get the baby from the bassinet was too much for me, I could never have managed to make or warm a bottle. And planning ahead to have a bottle ready for a night feed - come on! I was nineteen! I was a lazy teenager and breastfeeding was easy. G didn't get regular solid food until he was about 9 months old, it was easier to avoid planning ahead and just shove the boob in. Other mothers carried snacks for their 18 month olds, I just carried my breasts.

I barely had it together to do the dishes, washing and sterilising bottles would have been a much bigger pain in the arse. Particularly when breastfeeding was so much cheaper.

I breastfed because it was almost the only way I knew and I didn't realise it was possible to have problems.

Another thought. If your child was having trouble learning to read, would you persevere, or just give up and get a subscription to the talking book library? To me, breastfeeding is just one of the things our children have to learn and that we as parents have to learn how to teach them.

Comments

[birthingway.livejournal.com]

I completely agree.

Agreed.

[astemudfoot.livejournal.com]

Breastfeeding is a not just the best for baby and mum, but it's a priviledge. It shouldn't be taken for granted and given up in favour of the bottle.

Breastfeeding for me is hard. The first 3 weeks are incredible pain and torture with constant bleeding and constant tears, the next 3 are painful, and after that everything is calloused again and it's smooth sailing. I worked f*cking hard to be able to breastfeed, and even though each time I was told to give up and even thought maybe I should, I never did. It completely pisses me off when I hear feeble excuses as to why someone gave up breastfeeding. I had not seen anyone breastfeeding before I had my baby, I had no idea how it worked and was surrounded by bottle fed babies and I wish I had the exposure then that I do now, I would do things very differently. Breastfeeding was an anomoly in my world. But I still did it because deep down I knew it was the *right* thing to do. It's what we're built for. If you choose to take on the responsibility of carrying a baby in your body, then see that responsibility through and continue feeding you baby with your body. That's the way you are designed.

With our first baby, I had to breastfeed. There was just no way we could afford formula. So I learned that if you just stick with it and breathe through the pain it's all worth it in the end. If formula wasn't so marketable, maybe many other women would learn the same lesson I did and realise the breastfeeding is not something to be taken for granted and given away. It's a f*ucking priviledge.

I respect and appreciate that women have a right to choose in this issue, but often they are like me, in that they have not seen breastfeeding before, it's not considered "normal" in their branch of society and often they are giving up on it before they have even given it a good try and gotten into the "smooth sailing" stage. So how can they make an informed choice?

[wenchilada.livejournal.com]

It's your journal, write what you like. I bottlefeed and I am fine with that decision. I am likewise fine with anyone else's decision to breastfeed. I have my reasons why I made my choice and I am not offended by you.

My reasons may seem feeble and my choice may seem wrong to you, but for Persi and I, it's working. 'Nough said.

[nobble.livejournal.com]

I have to say that having the support of other women who are doing it while you are doing it and have done it and are of a similar age and experience was helpful.

I wasn't the only militant one about breast feeding in my family when R came along...my FATHER was as well. I never actually considered formula. I didn't have a choice in the hospital when he was born 4 weeks early, but as soon as I could, I did. I'm glad I didn't choose formula.

I actually enjoyed breastfeeding. I only gave it up when R was 21 months because it was physically and emotionally draining me. Although tonight I wish I could feed him to sleep. He's driving me NUTS!!!!

You're post is not offensive. However, i think its great that the latest generation of mother's have choices. THat's a good thing. It would be awful if infants died for example because the mother couldn't breast feed ie just didn't have the milk for whatever reason. But I agree. If I had to get up in the middle of the night and make a bottle, it would never had happened. Even expressing was a complete pain in the proverbial in many ways.

[nobble.livejournal.com]

Oh yeah, and in my extended family (who all live overseas) the average 'normal' age of weaning is between 3 and 6. Yes I have cousins who were breastfed until they were six.

And most of them didn't taste cows milk until they were at least 10. R drinks predominantly goats and doesn't really like the taste of most cows products.

I had a nurse telling me that goats milk was inferior to cows milk a couple of months ago, I wouldn't agree.

[celsa.livejournal.com]

I'm just going to take the opportunity to smugly comment that breastfeeding was a breeze for me almost from the first moment my eldest glomped on. I had no human role models, but I read a lot. I did have one midwife tell me that because my milk had not come in by day four (as judged by her because my baby was 'listless' and not staying long at the breast) that I was "Just one of the woman who can't breast feed, so we should put my daughter onto formula."

It turned out that my milk had come in without pain, swelling or fanfare, and my baby was swilling it down and passing out full as a goog within a few minutes of latching on. (That's how it works for me. Whoosh!) This was discovered when, on day five, someone thought to weigh her and found that she had gained weight.

The credit goes to my kids, really. They were just great, agreeable little feeders (middle daughter liked it so much that she never wanted not to be at the breast :-().

I hear about the agonies some mums go through, and because I had such an easy time, I don't feel I'm qualified to judge whether someone who chose bottle feeding instead did so lightly or wrongly.

But I do feel privelaged.

Re: Agreed.

[mrsbrown.livejournal.com]

See, I sometimes feel like I can't judge people about their decision to breastfeed, because it was SO easy for me.

It's great to have you tell me that it was hard and that it's still the most important thing so I'm not talking crap.

thanks

Re: Agreed.

[mrsbrown.livejournal.com]

Arrgh!

judge people about their decision to bottle feed

[mrsbrown.livejournal.com]

See, I don't blame just you for the choice you made. There are a whole lot of things that have gone wrong when a woman chooses to stop breastfeeding. See my latest post.

But I'd like to know; do you think you'd still be bf'ing if you'd had two weeks in a clinic with intensive breastfeeding support or if formula was by prescription?

I'd also like to know if you'd still be bf'ing if that community nurse you mentioned in http://forrattle.blogspot.com/2006/08/arg-i-hate-breastfeeding-sometimes-i.html had said, "yes, it's hard and you're not enjoying your baby right now, but it will get better and have you tried, x, y and z. When you've finished with those, we can also try this, that and that. Oh, and come and see me tomorrow if you need to"

See, I think that suggesting that you stop bf'ing when you're tired and recovering from major surgery is not really giving _you_ a choice. That's a choice society has made on your behalf. And, as you can see, I'm angry about it.

[pheloniusfriar.livejournal.com]

I used to belong to the La Leche League just because I, and my wife at the time, felt that Western society had swung so far against breastfeeding (in both explicit and diabolically subtle ways) that it needed a balance to help bring it back towards the middle. We were not able to breastfeed our first child (Beep) due to serious illness on the part of mom (not to mention that Beep would have none of it... she couldn't stand to be touched... an early manifestation of her autism), and we were also undermined at every step by the hospital staff when she was first born! We were more successful with Happy, but it wasn't easy (understatement!) at the beginning because her mother wasn't well enough either, but we persisted and it paid off.

At a minimum, we've tried to preach "sustained by mother nine months in, nine months out". It seems a reasonable compromise in our society (at least where there is any level of parental leave available).

[wenchilada.livejournal.com]

But I'd like to know; do you think you'd still be bf'ing if you'd had two weeks in a clinic with intensive breastfeeding support or if formula was by prescription?

Oh absolutely! If I'd had more support in hospital for starters, I'd still be breastfeeding!

[astemudfoot.livejournal.com]

I apologise if my rant upset you and re-reading it today, I can see how it could. :) I did not mean to be judgemental, my frustration was aimed at society in general, rather than individuals.

I don't believe you made the *wrong choice*, when it comes to our little people as mothers we always do what we feel is best for them and I'm glad you've worked out a feeding routine that works for you and Persi. I'm just afraid that you (and/or others) weren't supported enough to make the choice *you* wanted to make. I hope that makes sense.

[wenchilada.livejournal.com]

It takes a fair bit more than that to upset me. As I said, I made my decision and I am cool with it. I am somewhat annoyed at the circumstances that lead me to my decision, but no amount of brow beating over what is best for me and Persephone can reverse that decision. Ultimately if I am fine with it, I will listen to other people's arguments, but I refuse to let those arguments make me feel bad or feel that I am a bad parent, because I'm not :)