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Working full time and parenting too!
Oct. 9th, 2006 01:53 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mrsbrownThere's nothing like worrying about your children to put a kybosh on your ability to work effectively.
Z is not at school again today. He wasn't there last Mon, Tues or Wed either. I got him to the student welfare coordinator on Wednesday and we arranged for him to attend some of his classes on Thursday and Friday, which he did.
He was supposed to meet the SWC again today to sort out this week, but he decided it was more important to stay in bed. After a couple of phone calls I got on to him and persuaded him to ring the SWC himself. Then we spoke again, unfortunately she just told him to get out of bed and get to school. It's useless trying to parent over the phone, particularly when he's at his Dad's house. I was trying to persuade him to go to some of his classes today, like last week, but he's a recalcitrant bastard and doesn't see that he's got us all jumping through hoops trying to get him to school.
I'm also stuck because he's mostly at his Dad's during the week and I can't make sure that I get into his room to make sure he gets up, jolly him to get into uniform and then have a tanty until I finally drive him to school, arriving about 2 hours late at work, but able to work because I'm not worried about him. I can't see MTB doing that, or the preparation the night before to make sure that Z's homework is attempted and he goes to bed at a reasonable hour.
When T went through a phase of avoiding school, I fought for a while and then just banned her from watching tv for four weeks. MTB failed to back me up on that one, and she spent more time at his place, but at least it had an effect after the third set of 4 weeks without tv, and really took the emotion out of arguing with her about getting up for school. Z's a much more determined and less tv addicted person than T, he's also sneaky and likely to just continue refusing to go to school with the punishment/consequences mounting up until it becomes ridiculous to enforce.
I could remove his access to his computer and computer games, ideally with MTB's cooperation. Or maybe give him access in direct ratio to his school attendance and homework attempt.
At heart MTB and I are both really bad parents. We don't do routine at all well, and mostly we'd rather have a nice time chatting, or going out, or watching cool movies with our kids than getting them to do their homework or anything else that requires persistance and boredom to get a great outcome.
Z is not at school again today. He wasn't there last Mon, Tues or Wed either. I got him to the student welfare coordinator on Wednesday and we arranged for him to attend some of his classes on Thursday and Friday, which he did.
He was supposed to meet the SWC again today to sort out this week, but he decided it was more important to stay in bed. After a couple of phone calls I got on to him and persuaded him to ring the SWC himself. Then we spoke again, unfortunately she just told him to get out of bed and get to school. It's useless trying to parent over the phone, particularly when he's at his Dad's house. I was trying to persuade him to go to some of his classes today, like last week, but he's a recalcitrant bastard and doesn't see that he's got us all jumping through hoops trying to get him to school.
I'm also stuck because he's mostly at his Dad's during the week and I can't make sure that I get into his room to make sure he gets up, jolly him to get into uniform and then have a tanty until I finally drive him to school, arriving about 2 hours late at work, but able to work because I'm not worried about him. I can't see MTB doing that, or the preparation the night before to make sure that Z's homework is attempted and he goes to bed at a reasonable hour.
When T went through a phase of avoiding school, I fought for a while and then just banned her from watching tv for four weeks. MTB failed to back me up on that one, and she spent more time at his place, but at least it had an effect after the third set of 4 weeks without tv, and really took the emotion out of arguing with her about getting up for school. Z's a much more determined and less tv addicted person than T, he's also sneaky and likely to just continue refusing to go to school with the punishment/consequences mounting up until it becomes ridiculous to enforce.
I could remove his access to his computer and computer games, ideally with MTB's cooperation. Or maybe give him access in direct ratio to his school attendance and homework attempt.
At heart MTB and I are both really bad parents. We don't do routine at all well, and mostly we'd rather have a nice time chatting, or going out, or watching cool movies with our kids than getting them to do their homework or anything else that requires persistance and boredom to get a great outcome.
no subject
Date: 2006-10-09 03:57 am (UTC)1.and doesn't see that he's got us all jumping through hoops trying to get him to school. Maybe he does. Is his Dad paying much attention?
2. It strikes me that he's still really unhappy, possibly to the point he *can't* behave differently. Does he need time with a counsellor *without* his parents? Someone he can talk to about you guys without you hearing?
3. It's not bad to want to do the stuff you guys want to do. But right now I get the impression he's not even getting that with his Dad.
4. Do the punishments have to mount up? Coudl it be simply "do your work, get reward/don't do your work=don't get reward" on a very simple daily basis? Nothing cumulative, good or bad?
5. What are his classmates like? Has he got any friends?
no subject
Date: 2006-10-09 08:07 am (UTC)First of all, what are the reasons why he's not going to school?
How is he coping with the seal programme? Often kids avoid classes to avoid direct failure if they don't feel confident in the subject. This may apply to Z, especially since he had to catch up on nearly a years worth of maths...
Next, recognise improvements. Attending 40% of school days is a big improvement from zero! Of course, it is still far from ideal, but recognise that he has tried.
The other thing is that once kids have missed a lot of school, it is very hard for them to go back into the classroom. As a teacher, you can almost see the panic in their faces when they realise that they've missed lots of work & have no idea what is going on. And then they either panic, become disruptive, zone out & ignore the class, or decide that they've missed so much work that its pointless for them to go back, because they don't know what's going on & can't catch up.
So kids need a plan & support to get back into the classroom. The teacher telling them that they have to catch up on all the work they missed is NOT helpful- prioritise the work that they MUST catch up on (generally maths, because later work will require those skills, and languages), & let the other stuff slide. Work out what assessment items must be done, and what things can be skipped.
Also, splozza is right on with #5. Kids who are non-attenders often sidle quietly into the classroom when they come back, unsure about their reception from the teacher & classmates. I try to make sure that they feel welcome, don't get left out when we go into groups for experiments & I give them the handouts that they missed.
Best of luck, sometimes school is hard for everyone...