Phew!

[mrsbrown]

No news on UK. I sent them my CV on Monday night and I've had my first rdo today. Maybe tomorrow.

This last week has been like being 9 1/2 months pregnant - people keep calling or emailing (that didn't happen when I waited for labour last time :) ) and I have to say, "you will hear when I hear"

T and Z are going off to be extras in a movie shoot - through Showtime and scouts. We had to get ready this evening so the kids can go to shool in the morning and J can drop them off at 1pm. T threw the most amazing temper tantrum I have seen in quite a while.

I insisted she turn off the TV so we could collect her scout uniform and beach gear before her bed time. She calmly went into her room to get stuff and then she lost it. She slammed the door 4 or 5 times, and began insisting that she didn't want to go. She kept crying and saying that she "hates organising things". I went into full management mode - calmly ask her to get the one thing I know she can find on her bedroom floor, and then I worked with Z to make a list of the things we have to collect together while T sat on my lap and calmed down. It worked, she started contributing to the list - where to find things, here or at her Dad's. And then we had to leave to get stuff from M's.

We got out on the footpath and she realised she was going to miss The Simpson's Halloween special. I insisted we go, reminded her it was being taped and she got into the car. Then she got shitty again and slammed the car door, hard, 5 times. (don't tell mr_bassman. Then got out and ran towards the house. I caught her and held her calmly, repeating, "The Simpson's is being taped" and "Remember how you felt when you filled out the form to be an extra, won't you be annoyed to miss it?" Finally, she struggled out of my arms and ran for the front door. I decided and told her that if she went inside I would make sure that she didn't get to watch TV. She gave up and got in the car, still in a huff, but managed to calm to reasonable while we drove to M's house. She's been perfectly pleasant ever since.

During the process I was feeling really bad about taking over T's life and taking the decision to go or not out of her hands. I feel better now that she's organised and calm and seemingly happy about going. But how long can I keep doing this for her? At what point will it be right to just leave her to suffer her own consequences on this stuff?

Interestingly, while writing this I realised that some of her phobia about organising stuff is reasonable. Her bedroom is a disaster area that includes a lot of the family SCA gear on her floor and she doesn't really have capacious storage for her clothes, or the sort of mother who will ensure she puts them away when they're clean. Her 50/50 life means that finding specific clothes like bathers and scout uniform will always mean we may have to drive to M's house to get something.

I often get frustrated during this process, because I can trust her older brother, G, to plan ahead when he leave's M's place and pack the things he will need when he's at my place. T can't seem to get that together.

I also wondered, while in the thick of it, if T wasn't being hormonal - but she still needs to learn to deal with it. Let's hope she lives that long.

Comments

[hometime.livejournal.com]

Does she have a diary? If she gets into the habit of writing everything that she is scheduled to do (including homework, sports days etc...), and then referring to it, then it may make life a bit easier. Or an electronic diary with automatic reminders. Personally I prefer paper diaries, but an electronic one may make her feel more grown up. Highlight the times when she will be at M's in a different colour, so it is very obvious what she has to plan for. Check that she uses it until she gets into the habit (most schools have a policy where the teacher and parent sign the homework diary every week, so that kids get into the habit of writing things down & remembering to do them, althogh it is also a way of ensuring that parents keep up to date with what their kid is doing).

Organisational skills are just that, skills, which have to be learnt. Given that at the moment most of my clothes are piled up in a wooden SCA chest or in cardboard boxes I'm probably not the right person to be giving advice!

[splodgenoodles.livejournal.com]

Wow. My sympathy. To both of you.


If it's any comfort, I recall chucking an absolute barney-albeit in primary school- when i was supposed to go to auditions for a school play. It's called stagefright! Mind you, I was well and truly over it within a few years. Painfully over it, as family friends who were dragged to endless school plays will probably tell you after a few drinks.

But I would suggest that this was a particularly big tantrum because of a particularly big fear. Research indicates that the fear of 'public speaking'[I'd include being on telly] is up there with dying in the minds of many. [I do love starting sentences that way...]


I'm not sure whether you were really wanting my two cents worth or whether you were just thinking aloud... but....

As to when you should help out and when she should face consequences, I would say go with your sense of how bad the consequences will be.

She is still learning, and while some people think people learn through suffering, I also think people learn through modelling. Through watching what you do, experiencing the effects, and hopefully, ultimately, learning to implement the strategies herself. Some of my more *successful* coping strategies are directly lifted from things my parents did/said/explained when I wasn't coping.

She's also witnessing the fucked up behaviours of MTB, and he's *not* going to stop being a negative role model.
*****

And incidentally, I really like the fact she got there. It sounds like a good outcome to me. When I were a young'un, I chucked such a barney that I didn't. And I didn't stay away because my parents were letting me face the consequences, as far as I can recall. I think I was just blubbing too much. Pathetic huh? I think after it was all over mum explained the concept of stagefright to me, and I was okay after that.

Re:

[mr-bassman.livejournal.com]

Research indicates that I'm replying to this.



Research indicates that I'm being such a bitch.

Cheers, and have a nice day!

mr_b