![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
perfectionism
Mar. 21st, 2004 12:41 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mrsbrownI had a disaster today.
The thing I was working on, with perfection as my goal, fell and broke. I went inside and had a cry about perfectionism and the way I won't let myself do something perfectly. Even when I think I'm getting close, my mind wanders at a crucial moment and it's all gone, like I'm possessed or something. ("a cry" seems such a mild description, it was more like a moan, with tears and writhing)
As recovery, I started working on the web server I've been wanting. I just noticed that my inner voice sees this project as something I can't stuff up. And even if I did, it would be fun to work out why and solve the problem.
I remember doing that with knitting when I was a teenager. My best creativity came from solving the problem I had made for myself. I've used that when setting up the trainset with the kids too - they hand you the track pieces and you have to work out the best way to use them in the order they give them to you, or you take their messy track and move it around a bit so that it works and the train will actually be able to move over all the track you have laid out, you get much better track layouts with the random child element, than you will if you plan it all carefully.
But festival is in two weeks, and I can't afford to take the time out to play with computers. aaaaargh!
The thing I was working on, with perfection as my goal, fell and broke. I went inside and had a cry about perfectionism and the way I won't let myself do something perfectly. Even when I think I'm getting close, my mind wanders at a crucial moment and it's all gone, like I'm possessed or something. ("a cry" seems such a mild description, it was more like a moan, with tears and writhing)
As recovery, I started working on the web server I've been wanting. I just noticed that my inner voice sees this project as something I can't stuff up. And even if I did, it would be fun to work out why and solve the problem.
I remember doing that with knitting when I was a teenager. My best creativity came from solving the problem I had made for myself. I've used that when setting up the trainset with the kids too - they hand you the track pieces and you have to work out the best way to use them in the order they give them to you, or you take their messy track and move it around a bit so that it works and the train will actually be able to move over all the track you have laid out, you get much better track layouts with the random child element, than you will if you plan it all carefully.
But festival is in two weeks, and I can't afford to take the time out to play with computers. aaaaargh!
*Sympathy*
Date: 2004-03-20 07:50 pm (UTC)Best wishes with it.
no subject
Date: 2004-03-20 09:38 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-03-20 10:38 pm (UTC)But it sounds like yours wasn't the sort of mistake you could undo ('broke' being the operative word), so sympathy for the pain of breakage.
no subject
Date: 2004-03-21 02:57 am (UTC)argh!