(no subject)

I had a theory about staying home on Friday night, NOT going Irish Dancing. But when a friend rang and asked us to dinner , I was glad I said yes. Her Dad is dying and she didn't want to be by herself.

On Saturday Mum came over and we mostly sat around. She kept wanting to do stuff, but I wasn't very keen and I think she might have been disappointed. She warned me weeks ago about paying for a family membership at PMYC so the kids could have sailing lessons. I really don't want the commitment to another activity. As usual she doesn't think it's very much for me to do and really, the kids could just look after it themselves.

She's got no concept that my role as a mother is to make sure that my children have the right gear, the right clothes, have eaten sufficiently and had enough sleep, if they are going to "make the most" out of my mother's money. I guess it's a responsibility I don't want. I really don't want to tell her in 6 months, 'they went a few times, but then they didn't have their gear at my place/M's place and they felt like sleeping in anyway, so they didn't go, and then they got embarassed about missing a week, so they didn't go back. Thanks for spending the money on membership, classes etc."

I was going to say that I really hate the fact that my kids don't do anything - no ballet, drama or sport and then I remembered; Scouts, showtime, musical instruments, surviving a shared costody arrangement, and I don't feel so bad.( more breast beating about my bad motherhood )

other news

Oh yes, I was going to write about the letters I got from M.

On Friday, I got 2 letters - 1. Re a bastard and 2. Re: apologies

1. A bastard talked about the incident a few months ago when I realised that there was no point in me attending family counselling type sessions with M because really I'm only there in the hope that the professionals will find out what a bastard he is. I said this at the family counselling session.

Apparently that really upset him and he is willing to attend counselling to discuss these issues I have with him or else we should change the way we interact to be more distant because he had thought that we were getting quite friendly (he used christmas as an example)

( christmas )

The 2nd letter itemised several incidents from our previous relationship and included details of what he was thinking at the time and an apology for each of them.

I got a bit upset reading them, mainly about trying to work out what to do about them and how I didn't want to inter-relate with him any more than I have to.

J was really good though - "It's M's problem, you don't have to do anything." so I just emailed M a thankyou/acknowledgment with a note that I just want to maintain the cool businesslike relationship we have had for the past few years. It felt good to leave all the angst to M.

I sometimes think I ought to talk to a professional about the stuff in my head about that relationship, but I can't really be bothered.