this self hate thing

mishymoocow_2 said of my self hate, "Like it's a cosy place you're well used to."

Gee, she's perceptive.

It's the place my brain goes to sometimes and I get quiet and contemplative. I quite like the contemplative bit, it makes me feel like I could write something important, that other people would read. I feel like I can solve lots of problems and be really creative. I just have to stop myself from withdrawing to the couch and reading the internet or an entire novel.

My self hate is a cosy place I'm well used to. I've been visiting since I was at least 6. It's a useful place for working out what to do next or what's really important to me. I know not to stay too long, and I know that if I just leave the house, or do some cooking, I'll be into my next mode of mood and all will be well.

I'm most likely to visit if I'm tired, so most of my self hate posts are late at night, and are paired with a "sorry about that" post the next morning.

Also, if I call it self hate, I know what it is and how much notice to take of the words my brain comes up with.

so, sorry about that.