(no subject)

[mrsbrown]

You must like to spank or be spanked, because your
romance is remeniscent of Secretary. A truly
modern love story, it shows that you don't need
to be conventional to be normal. You're
probably the type that owns a whole lot more
leather than what's upholstering your car or
sofa. Yeah, you know what I mean.


What Romance Movie Best Represents Your Love Life?
brought to you by Quizilla


so when do I get to see this movie I've never heard of?

I just got back from sydney where I went to a cocktail party. In the car on the way home we discussed the fact that we have just spent 4 days of our lives for 24 hours in sydney - was it worth it? We have decided to fly next time.

The party was a good one, and certainly of the sort I don't think I would get to in Melbourne. I don't know that many people who own tuxes or feel strongly enough about dressing up to get one for a party. I'm glad I went.

I particularly enjoyed the way I didn't feel drunk, but felt comfortable enough to talk to people I don't see very often, about stuff I don't talk about too much. I was only indiscrete once during the evening - I think.

I had a very interesting conversation with the friend I was staying with, about a mutual friend. They seem to have had an enormous misunderstanding about what each of them wants from life. The, "ergh!! no way! I think of her like my sister" response was particularly revealing. It will be interesting to see how it pans out.

I start my new job tomorrow, what a relief! Friday, my last day of work, made me realise what a bad place it was for my emotional well-being. Either that or I'm just going to have to accept that I'm too weird for people to be friendly with.

I'm mailing this home for posting to livejournal.

Sitting here, waiting for the day to end, have a large dose of negative thoughts, based on negative interactions I've had with people. I wonder if they're all negative because I feel guilty about what I haven't done here.

I say that, and then I think about the lack of inclusiveness I've felt. It's hard to get to work and stay there when you feel like every thought or opinion you have has to be edited to match what these people can deal with. Or, when you do cut loose/lose attention, feeling embarassed or have to end a conversation unnaturally because otherwise you'll end up yelling.

Today, at the lunch I invited myself to, (my leaving lunch was yesterday, because it was A's birthday lunch today), I decided to let loose. A collegue was making fun of his girlfriend and a mate because they cry at movies. "They're just movies fer crissake, what's to cry at?" I questioned his ability to emotionally involve himself in other peoples feelings, and he essentially repeated himself, "It's just a movie". Admittedly, I then descended into what could be called name calling, "You're just a boy!", "What an engineer" etc. That wasn't very effective really, was it? But I did ask if it was OK to belittle someone else for their emotional expression. He changed the subject.

Thinking about it, it could be a bit of a spiral. They're careful about who they invite out, I'm super sensitive and get a bit depressed, I don't engage very much, they don't bother doing anything about including me, I get defensive and don't make an effort, they all hate me and I leave.

Aargh! This is all crap. The truth:

The management here are crap at including people. The team are mostly not my sort of people. I like to have a social, supportive time at work. When I don't get it I don't want to go to work. Also, I make my life as complicated as possible, so I spend most of my time with too many things to do, and then my children demand my support as well. I don't want to give it to them, but I feel incredibly depressed when theyre not around. This means I spend my life either overburdened because I have children or depressed because I don't. Also, I put a lot of pressure on myself to be the wildly successful career woman my mother wants me to be, but I can't take work too seriously because they're all out to exploit me, and I don't want to be a girly swot (says my father).

More later, I have a cheque to bank!!

The drinks part of the day was a bit of a fizzer too. The speeches and gift giving happened with only half the company in the room, and then they mostly left so I was left talking to Michael and Phil, my bosses, while I waited for the phone call from James and Laura that they were downstairs ready to leave. It was pathetic.

Comments

Workplace pathologies

[erudito.livejournal.com]

You are a very inclusive person, in a selective sort of way. Very sensible that. (There's a group of people who feel they share the family experience because of you and that's part of the fun really.)

Workplaces are such peculiar places in many ways. There are reasons why so much depression is work-related. I have frustrations with Nigel's notion of organisation at times, but I would now find it difficult coping with a workplace of people I don't get along with.

That being said, I tend to like most people. But that is not the same as feeling included. As for the self-editing, SO understand that one. It gets debilitating.

As for lots of different wants, I guess it's Mark Twain again -- "I am large, I contain multitudes"

So when's the video day then?

[sjkasabi.livejournal.com]

Friday night? I haven't seen Secretary, but I saw a couple of good reviews for it.

About the work stuff, HURRAH for leaving then. Yay! Go you! You sound really in touch with what's making you unhappy about it (I wish I was as good at that) and clearing off out of there and leaving them to it sounds so right. And the next place is paying you lots more! And _does_ sound like more fun.

About the conversation, oh good.