tales from the toilet

[mrsbrown]

I currently have the attention span of a gnat. I ate my last meal this morning and I've actually taken drugs to give myself diarr

hoea. Which I can now spell.

I'm at the "hurts to sit down" stage, having run to the toilet about 30-40 times since 4pm. I'm getting desperate. The zinc cream barrier didn't work, and I feel a bit guilty about all the times I put it on my poor, pink, inflammed babies botties, thinking it would make them feel better - it smarts! as they say in the classics.

My next attempt was the vaseline barrier - it sort of works, but wipes off too easily.

Next time I'm going to put sorbolene cream onto the wiping surface.

Yes, it's gross, but they have put incomplete instructions onto the purgative - they just say to keep drinking and yes, you can drive after taking it - but it's probably impractical, as you have to be near a toilet! For good measure this instruction for toilet proximity is mentioned twice. But there

is no mention of anal care. Som good friends, in my research for this ordeal, suggested "wet ones" but being the environmentally aware soul I am I decid

ed to use a piece of chux and rinse between uses. I thought it would be softer than paper. It is, but poo, particularly the runny kind, seems to be very acidic, and burns.

The sorbolene is now working a treat. It's a pleasure to wipe, and I seem to be able to sit down again. It is , however, disconcerting to get up from the toilet, do my regular, "look what I did" check and see what looks like an empty toilet bo

wl. I guess the drugs are working and soon I will have "shit myself clean" as splodgenoodles said earlier today.

On another note, my son is terrible at keeping his LJ username a secret. He left his username on MY LJ client. I've now read everything he's written for the past week and I think he's renewed his interest due to the girl who is his only friend besides erudito. I know I shouldn't have read it, but I think he wants me to. First he told me he had a new username - one he wouldn't tell his mother, and then he left it in full view, on MY computer. I'm not a very good mother, but I won't tell him I'm reading it, or that I've hinted to all of my friends how to find him.

Like I said, my gnat sized attention span is caused by my lack of solid food, as well as the nasty gurgling and explosion of my nether regions. I've drunk cordial, strained orange juice, peppermint tea and chicken stock in hot

water also the ginger cordial we bought at the Daylesford Market this morning. And I seem to have gotten over my extreme hunger, but don't mention food to me. My mother rang and told

me all about her roast pork dinner, it was difficult to shut her up, even when I told her to stop (Hi Mum!)

In between bouts, I've been reading Trickster's Queen, the latest Tamora Pierce novel. Unfortunately I'm not mentally able to concentrate on the climactic battle scenes, hence this babble.

Comments

[splodgenoodles.livejournal.com]

Som good friends, in my research for this ordeal, suggested "wet ones" but being the environmentally aware soul I am I decid

ed to use a piece of chux and rinse between uses.

Oh, for fuck's sake!

No sympathy at all...do you reuse your fucking toilet paper?

Anyway, the whole thing'll be over by the time you read this so, hope you're okay. Your bum should be fine soon.

And doesn't that stuff taste vile?