confused parenting
Mar. 28th, 2007 01:26 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mrsbrownThis all about the line of parental and teenage responsibility and consequences.
Msnotagoth hasn't been to school today. She only went on Monday because I jollied her through some revision for the SAC (school assessed coursework, or a test) while she angsted in bed, then I hauled her through her morning ritual, made her breakfast and lunch and drove her to school. Unfortunately, I can't afford to arrive at work at 10am everyday.
Unfortunately, she didn't finish the SAC's on Monday and was supposed to finish them today. This morning she lay in bed, again. And I went into her room 3 times, trying to get her out of bed, and I rang her and suggested that
This year, I decided that I needed to take an active part in her homework. It worked really well. We cleaned the house for 15 minutes after dinner and then Msnotagoth spent some time on her homework. I spent a lot of energy getting her to the point where she would happily take out her books and get on with it. And then I lost interest*, and so did she.
And now she's losing interest in school again and angsting about getting there, getting there late and avoiding it as much as possible. And I feel like it's all my fault.
And I'm really conflicted. I want my daughter to have the good time she is capable of having at school, feeling on top of everything and it feels like I can't trust her to get there by herself. Should I let her be miserable until she decides she's over it and pulls up her socks? Should I bail her out and give her a pleasant school experience that she can build on later?
I've got better things to do with my life than stand over my daughter like an ogre, or even like a caring and concerned parent who just wants the best for her daughter. Although I know I don't have to stand over her for long. After a week of making the space for her homework and hassling her, she will get to the point where I only have to make the space and she'll do it. I just have a juvenile response to my responsibility for making the space for her, like that's my homework and I don't want to do it. Maybe I'm just being pathetic and having her suffer her own consequences is just an excuse for me to avoid the effort of making the space or making her do her homework.
And the other consideration is that the consequences of failing year 11, or not doing VCE, will have repercussions for the rest of her life. I've watched my friends, and her father and her uncle as they dealt with life having failed to get "the qualification" that lets them easily/straightforwardly get the job that suits their personalities best. And I know they haven't had an awful time, but I'm sure they could have had a better time, and been happier for not having that little sense of regret or failure in their life. And they got there in the end, but it's so much faster and straightforward, without the life lessons.
So, because I'm not interested in being the best parent, which choice makes me the least worst parent?
*Can I say at this point, I lost my job, and started a new one, and got into to worrying about preparation for Festival. Not so much interest lost, as attention wandered to other important stuff.
Msnotagoth hasn't been to school today. She only went on Monday because I jollied her through some revision for the SAC (school assessed coursework, or a test) while she angsted in bed, then I hauled her through her morning ritual, made her breakfast and lunch and drove her to school. Unfortunately, I can't afford to arrive at work at 10am everyday.
Unfortunately, she didn't finish the SAC's on Monday and was supposed to finish them today. This morning she lay in bed, again. And I went into her room 3 times, trying to get her out of bed, and I rang her and suggested that
This year, I decided that I needed to take an active part in her homework. It worked really well. We cleaned the house for 15 minutes after dinner and then Msnotagoth spent some time on her homework. I spent a lot of energy getting her to the point where she would happily take out her books and get on with it. And then I lost interest*, and so did she.
And now she's losing interest in school again and angsting about getting there, getting there late and avoiding it as much as possible. And I feel like it's all my fault.
And I'm really conflicted. I want my daughter to have the good time she is capable of having at school, feeling on top of everything and it feels like I can't trust her to get there by herself. Should I let her be miserable until she decides she's over it and pulls up her socks? Should I bail her out and give her a pleasant school experience that she can build on later?
I've got better things to do with my life than stand over my daughter like an ogre, or even like a caring and concerned parent who just wants the best for her daughter. Although I know I don't have to stand over her for long. After a week of making the space for her homework and hassling her, she will get to the point where I only have to make the space and she'll do it. I just have a juvenile response to my responsibility for making the space for her, like that's my homework and I don't want to do it. Maybe I'm just being pathetic and having her suffer her own consequences is just an excuse for me to avoid the effort of making the space or making her do her homework.
And the other consideration is that the consequences of failing year 11, or not doing VCE, will have repercussions for the rest of her life. I've watched my friends, and her father and her uncle as they dealt with life having failed to get "the qualification" that lets them easily/straightforwardly get the job that suits their personalities best. And I know they haven't had an awful time, but I'm sure they could have had a better time, and been happier for not having that little sense of regret or failure in their life. And they got there in the end, but it's so much faster and straightforward, without the life lessons.
So, because I'm not interested in being the best parent, which choice makes me the least worst parent?
*Can I say at this point, I lost my job, and started a new one, and got into to worrying about preparation for Festival. Not so much interest lost, as attention wandered to other important stuff.
