That was probably a mistake

[mrsbrown]

I just posted to the Lochac list, at 1.30am, giving all those hard arses an opportunity to flame me to char.

OTOH, not many people will see it over the weekend, so it might not be too bad.

OTOOH, I'd really like to see some respectful conversation, if that's possible when the subject is supervision of children at Festival.

Comments

[etfb.livejournal.com]

Let's take down the names of people who consider that post to be flame-worthy, and store them in a folder labelled "Self-Righteous Futtocks" for future reference...

[hometime.livejournal.com]

I'd suggest that the 13-15's need a long chat about sex, alcohol and protecting themselves (and their friends) too. And I'd be like to be a lot more aware of where they are in the evenings. Kids that age can be very vulnerable, as some of them look older and get treated as if they are older, but they are still quite young and don't know what to do in difficult situations.

[mrsbrown.livejournal.com]

Yeah, fair point. I forget, because I didn't explicitly think about the conversations I'd had with my kids at that age.

[hometime.livejournal.com]

Hey, you'd be amazed at what some kids don't know. I've had a 16 year old boy quietly tell me that he had no idea that 'girls were different down there'. And he was serious- Catholic boys school, no sisters, parents not comfortbale with talking about it. How could he made wise choices about these things with so little knowledge?

[etfb.livejournal.com]

The Elder Daughter of DOOOOM is 11, and she'll be needing that talk before her next camping event. At 11 she's already got gorgeous long legs, plus my Beloved's golden skin and tendency to attract appreciative glances (from age-appropriate glancers only, of course). If she inherits others of her mother's impressive attributes, she's going to be devastating, and she'll probably need to be aware that lads in her company are going to start behaving very oddly. They already do, in fact, which is amusing to watch when I'm out places with her.

She has a good relationship with her mother especially, meaning she can and does talk about all sorts of stuff. We are not conservative or vanilla in our outlook, so she'll have all the backup she needs regardless of what she feels like trying; I hope this will mean I won't need a shotgun, because I have sensitive ears and I'm allergic to kinetic energy.

[ms-kilian.livejournal.com]

I’ve just re-subscribed to the Lochac list and read over the archives of your post and the responses. As with here, I think that your post was considered, well articulated, and has prompted a conversation that, for me at least, is very useful.
I agree completely that the perception/definition of “supervision” varies widely from person to person, and indeed from child to child. I also agree that the change of carer should be explicit, so that the adult and the child(ren) know who is “on duty” at any given time.
Although I don’t have my own kids, I have been a surrogate auntie to Claire (17), Caitlyn (15) and Evan (11) for over 10 years and have been privileged to count their mother not only as a friend and mentor, but as a wonderful role model as a parent dealing with parenting issues including. I have a degree in psychology and my mum is a school psychologist; we often discuss childhood development in the context of her work. Based on these experiences, my observations of and conversation with other parents, reading LJ entries by parents about raising their offspring and generally having children in my life, if not in my home, personally, if I was on duty for someone else’s child, I would probably adopt a more cautious age bandwidth as follows:
0-5years
Needs a nominated adult in sight at all times. Older children and teenagers are also suitable for short periods.

5 – 9 years
Mostly playing in sight of an adult carer but old enough to occasionally run in a pack, with a nominated older child (12 plus) for a short time, not too far from "home", adult carer to check in every half hour or so.

9 - 12 years
Carer should know where the child is, or which of several camps they are likely to find the child at. There should be clear "no-go" zones that have been discussed and agreed. The carer/s should catch sight of child or go find them every hour or so and then tell all the other carers that the kid/s are ok.

12 – 15 years
Carer should know where the child is, or which of several camps they are likely to find the child at. There should be clear "no-go" zones that have been discussed and agreed. The carer should expect to see their child for main meals, and maybe once in between. Have you seen the kids? is a useful question. Make sure they understand that no means no and that accepting alcoholic drinks can get everyone sent home.

15 – 18 years
It's good if the carer can have a chat with the parents of their children's friends early during Festival. Children should come home for lunch and dinner and they should stay near camp after dark, or have a discussion with the parent/carer about where they will be, who they will be with, and what time they are to be ‘home’.

18+ years.
You should check they are asleep in their beds when you get home from the tavern.

[doushkasmum.livejournal.com]

I am curious, why do you expect 18+ young adults to go to bed earlier than their parents? I would think it would be a case of wishing them goodnight as you leave the tavern. They have as much right to be there as anyone else and probably have much more stamina.

[ms-kilian.livejournal.com]

Opps, I think I meant 'check to see *if* they are asleep'.

[ms-kilian.livejournal.com]

And actually, upon further reflection, the behaviour of persons aged 18+ probably doesn’t belong in that list anyway. Sorry for leading everyone down a tangential path there.