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mrsbrownI got paid today - my first pay in my new job. I wasn't expecting anything until the 15th, so this feels like a complete windfall.
In celebration I bought my new sleeping bag and I'm nearly ready to go hiking anywhere. As long as its no colder than it can get in the Australian Alps that is.
It feels like I've been a bit down lately. There have been some good things happen - my new sleeping bag, sorting out a good reno plan, feeling like the people at work are more my sort of people, but I just feel a bit down.
Every afternoon at work, I feel like reading all of my email, or livejournal, or going home to read a book or watch tv. And when I'm home I'm just watching tv, or reading, or surfing randomly, with no purpose. It's horrid and I'm watching myself doing it. It feels like a spiral - I don't get stuff done at work, I arrive home glum and don't do anything, so I don't have positive feedback to take back to work
I think its got to do with being externally motivated. I need a deadline, or a promise to someone, to get stuff done. At the same time, I have recently set up my life so I don't have too many commitments. But what do I do with all my free time?
At least when the kids are here I have to get off my arse and get the satisfaction of a dinner made.
The other part of it is about being a go getter in the morning, even when I'm depressed I can usually manage to do useful things in the morning. By 6pm, after work, I'm too tired to drag myself into doing something useful.
Maybe my problem is that I'm too hard on myself. I'm so busy angsting about what other people are thinking, whether what I'm doing is the "right" way etc, that I really am exhausted by 6pm.
I'm going to watch the end of Dr Who.
In celebration I bought my new sleeping bag and I'm nearly ready to go hiking anywhere. As long as its no colder than it can get in the Australian Alps that is.
It feels like I've been a bit down lately. There have been some good things happen - my new sleeping bag, sorting out a good reno plan, feeling like the people at work are more my sort of people, but I just feel a bit down.
Every afternoon at work, I feel like reading all of my email, or livejournal, or going home to read a book or watch tv. And when I'm home I'm just watching tv, or reading, or surfing randomly, with no purpose. It's horrid and I'm watching myself doing it. It feels like a spiral - I don't get stuff done at work, I arrive home glum and don't do anything, so I don't have positive feedback to take back to work
I think its got to do with being externally motivated. I need a deadline, or a promise to someone, to get stuff done. At the same time, I have recently set up my life so I don't have too many commitments. But what do I do with all my free time?
At least when the kids are here I have to get off my arse and get the satisfaction of a dinner made.
The other part of it is about being a go getter in the morning, even when I'm depressed I can usually manage to do useful things in the morning. By 6pm, after work, I'm too tired to drag myself into doing something useful.
Maybe my problem is that I'm too hard on myself. I'm so busy angsting about what other people are thinking, whether what I'm doing is the "right" way etc, that I really am exhausted by 6pm.
I'm going to watch the end of Dr Who.
Re: Down
Date: 2003-10-30 03:16 am (UTC)That'll shake things up a bit. Hey, maybe mrsbrown can help me cut out that blue material.