Naked at my computer, wearing only a sleeping bag

[mrsbrown]

I got paid today - my first pay in my new job. I wasn't expecting anything until the 15th, so this feels like a complete windfall.

In celebration I bought my new sleeping bag and I'm nearly ready to go hiking anywhere. As long as its no colder than it can get in the Australian Alps that is.

It feels like I've been a bit down lately. There have been some good things happen - my new sleeping bag, sorting out a good reno plan, feeling like the people at work are more my sort of people, but I just feel a bit down.

Every afternoon at work, I feel like reading all of my email, or livejournal, or going home to read a book or watch tv. And when I'm home I'm just watching tv, or reading, or surfing randomly, with no purpose. It's horrid and I'm watching myself doing it. It feels like a spiral - I don't get stuff done at work, I arrive home glum and don't do anything, so I don't have positive feedback to take back to work

I think its got to do with being externally motivated. I need a deadline, or a promise to someone, to get stuff done. At the same time, I have recently set up my life so I don't have too many commitments. But what do I do with all my free time?
At least when the kids are here I have to get off my arse and get the satisfaction of a dinner made.

The other part of it is about being a go getter in the morning, even when I'm depressed I can usually manage to do useful things in the morning. By 6pm, after work, I'm too tired to drag myself into doing something useful.

Maybe my problem is that I'm too hard on myself. I'm so busy angsting about what other people are thinking, whether what I'm doing is the "right" way etc, that I really am exhausted by 6pm.

I'm going to watch the end of Dr Who.

Comments

[sjkasabi.livejournal.com]

Um, snap. Except the bit about the sleeping bag. And the kids. And just about everyone else who's LJ I've read lately is down too.

Is it (in order of increasing paranoia):

*A mysterious cloud of depression particles our solar system is currently passing through on its cosmic journey through space?

*A by-product of getting a LiveJournal?

*A virus transmissable by LiveJournal posts and email?

*Somehow all my fault?

[sjkasabi.livejournal.com]

I'm not naked either.

But now I really am depressed, because I just noticed I wrote "who's" instead of "whose".

Down

[doushkasmum.livejournal.com]

Hey if you just need deadlines for motivation I can get you some! There are only 2 weeks to Festival you know! And on that scale about 2 hours until christmas! Projects can happen! No realy!

A library patron borrowing quilt books suggested that I give you your quilt for your first anniversary. I don't like that idea at all! The getting nothing done bug has hit me too but I intend to hit it with my rapier until it goes away. I even worked on your quilt tonight and will do some more before bedtime. Honest!

I realise telling depresed people to buck up just gets you a whack upside the head and an angry depressed person but there it is.

Next wednesday sewing WILL include actual sewing (Dare you!)

Re: Down

[splodgenoodles.livejournal.com]

real sewing....aiiieeee.


That'll shake things up a bit. Hey, maybe mrsbrown can help me cut out that blue material.

maybe we're always like this

[mrsbrown.livejournal.com]

Maybe I've been like this for at least the last , oh bugger it, all my life.

Maybe other people have too and LJ just makes you write about it instead of pretending that life's all hunky-dory.

Maybe this self reflection thing is a bad thing and we should just get on with it.

I really am enjoying my new sleeping bag, I lay on the couch in it to watch quite a good comedy at 9pm - unfortunately I missed most the Tom Baker/Dr Who impression at a speed dating function due to a phone call, but Ozzy bin Laden reality tv was pretty good (Osama with an Ozzy Osbourne accent)

I'm not wearing the sleeping bag now - I want to get my feet really cold before I go to bed, the true test.

...did you know

[splodgenoodles.livejournal.com]

...that among the stressors that increase the risk of episodes of depression, getting married is actually quite high on the list?

I suspect changing jobs is pretty high on the list too, although I don't actually recall that one.

And the more items on the list, the more likely it is that a person will get depressed.

Big changes, even good ones, can deflate people. Especially if you feel you *should* be doing lots of things when perhaps you have enough on your plate just absorbing the changes.

You do expect a lot of yourself, imho.

Although I'm probably not a good person to give you advice on how to not get depressed.
Well, actually, maybe I am...
*****
I just deleted a lovely long spiel on how to manage a lowered mood, but then it occurred to me to ask IF YOU'VE PUT IN A DAY'S WORK-IN YOUR BRAND NEW JOB - WHY THE FUCK SHOULD YOU WORRY THAT YOU'RE KNACKERED BY 6PM??

So I deleted my spiel.

My dear friend, you've just made a big career change and gotten married. Stop bossing yourself around. You do know who you sound like, don't you?

Let's us girls all go the bathhouse this weekend, huh? In the meanwhile, go watch telly.

xxx

Re: ...did you know

[mrsbrown.livejournal.com]

Let's us girls all go the bathhouse this weekend, huh?

Yes!!!!!! that's what I want!!!!!

I can do tonight, or tomorrow night, or tomorrow arvo

we could go after IKEA...

So know that one

[erudito.livejournal.com]

Yes, well, if you find a way to get out of the 'putting off' doldrums let me know ...

(And I will return the favour.)