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mrsbrownI got paid today - my first pay in my new job. I wasn't expecting anything until the 15th, so this feels like a complete windfall.
In celebration I bought my new sleeping bag and I'm nearly ready to go hiking anywhere. As long as its no colder than it can get in the Australian Alps that is.
It feels like I've been a bit down lately. There have been some good things happen - my new sleeping bag, sorting out a good reno plan, feeling like the people at work are more my sort of people, but I just feel a bit down.
Every afternoon at work, I feel like reading all of my email, or livejournal, or going home to read a book or watch tv. And when I'm home I'm just watching tv, or reading, or surfing randomly, with no purpose. It's horrid and I'm watching myself doing it. It feels like a spiral - I don't get stuff done at work, I arrive home glum and don't do anything, so I don't have positive feedback to take back to work
I think its got to do with being externally motivated. I need a deadline, or a promise to someone, to get stuff done. At the same time, I have recently set up my life so I don't have too many commitments. But what do I do with all my free time?
At least when the kids are here I have to get off my arse and get the satisfaction of a dinner made.
The other part of it is about being a go getter in the morning, even when I'm depressed I can usually manage to do useful things in the morning. By 6pm, after work, I'm too tired to drag myself into doing something useful.
Maybe my problem is that I'm too hard on myself. I'm so busy angsting about what other people are thinking, whether what I'm doing is the "right" way etc, that I really am exhausted by 6pm.
I'm going to watch the end of Dr Who.
In celebration I bought my new sleeping bag and I'm nearly ready to go hiking anywhere. As long as its no colder than it can get in the Australian Alps that is.
It feels like I've been a bit down lately. There have been some good things happen - my new sleeping bag, sorting out a good reno plan, feeling like the people at work are more my sort of people, but I just feel a bit down.
Every afternoon at work, I feel like reading all of my email, or livejournal, or going home to read a book or watch tv. And when I'm home I'm just watching tv, or reading, or surfing randomly, with no purpose. It's horrid and I'm watching myself doing it. It feels like a spiral - I don't get stuff done at work, I arrive home glum and don't do anything, so I don't have positive feedback to take back to work
I think its got to do with being externally motivated. I need a deadline, or a promise to someone, to get stuff done. At the same time, I have recently set up my life so I don't have too many commitments. But what do I do with all my free time?
At least when the kids are here I have to get off my arse and get the satisfaction of a dinner made.
The other part of it is about being a go getter in the morning, even when I'm depressed I can usually manage to do useful things in the morning. By 6pm, after work, I'm too tired to drag myself into doing something useful.
Maybe my problem is that I'm too hard on myself. I'm so busy angsting about what other people are thinking, whether what I'm doing is the "right" way etc, that I really am exhausted by 6pm.
I'm going to watch the end of Dr Who.
...did you know
Date: 2003-10-30 03:56 am (UTC)I suspect changing jobs is pretty high on the list too, although I don't actually recall that one.
And the more items on the list, the more likely it is that a person will get depressed.
Big changes, even good ones, can deflate people. Especially if you feel you *should* be doing lots of things when perhaps you have enough on your plate just absorbing the changes.
You do expect a lot of yourself, imho.
Although I'm probably not a good person to give you advice on how to not get depressed.
Well, actually, maybe I am...
*****
I just deleted a lovely long spiel on how to manage a lowered mood, but then it occurred to me to ask IF YOU'VE PUT IN A DAY'S WORK-IN YOUR BRAND NEW JOB - WHY THE FUCK SHOULD YOU WORRY THAT YOU'RE KNACKERED BY 6PM??
So I deleted my spiel.
My dear friend, you've just made a big career change and gotten married. Stop bossing yourself around. You do know who you sound like, don't you?
Let's us girls all go the bathhouse this weekend, huh? In the meanwhile, go watch telly.
xxx
Re: ...did you know
Date: 2003-10-30 01:15 pm (UTC)Yes!!!!!! that's what I want!!!!!
I can do tonight, or tomorrow night, or tomorrow arvo
we could go after IKEA...