MrsBrown's philosophy of life and stuff

These outbursts are really useful, even if they're a bit difficult for the people reading (all three of you?)  Here's what I realised when I reflected on all of those feelings;

1. I was bored and struggling to entertain myself after too long on the couch that day.
2. Even though I live with 2 other people, who are supposed to want to hang out with me, they pretty much never suggest something fun for us to do together.  I'm responsible for all group activities in our house and it's exhausting. We've had a discussion about it, hopefully they'll improve.
3. There's a lot of pressure to get ppl to do group activities because the teenager spends so much of their time on a screen that it feels like they have very few life skills.  My other children were much more self sufficient at the same age.
3. When I was a child I was forced to spend my weekends at my dad's house.  It was very upsetting that he would ignore me and spend a lot of his time watching sport.  It's why I hate sport now, and makes me a bit more triggered when people who are supposed to care about me ignore me by watching their screens. I'm not anywhere near as fussed when they ignore me because they're working on their own project - I can go and watch what they're doing for entertainment too , I guess.

There you go.  A bit more equilibrium.

 Yes, I should keep a journal, it will be interesting to read later.  Also, there's so much stuff swirling in my head, it will be useful to get out.  Also, also, if I do this I won't have to do any work.  I think I'll make this my daily work procrastination trigger.

I just made a cup of tea and remembered to check on my saurkraut.  I made it three weeks ago (I think) and left it on the stove where I would see it.  Our first troubleshooting came when I noticed that the liquid was brown - it was too hot.  Then, a couple of days ago, I noticed that there seemed to be a mould colony growing on the side of the glass jar I'm using as a weight.  I've just cleaned it off and settled the thing down again, but I need to check that I'm not about to poison anyone - I don't think so based on something I read a while ago, but I'll double check.  Honestly, the mould is my own fault.  Like so many things I do, it got towards the end of the process and I'd nearly had enough so wehn I thought, "I should sterilise the outside of this jar", I quietly washed it with hot water from the tap and went on with the sense of achievement I was looking for by finishing.  OK.  Found the site that had the answer I was willing to listen to (ignored the ones that said throw it out) and I think I need to get the weight out, and put it in the fridge.  Also, eat some for lunch with roast beef, mustard and cheese.  Next time, I will choose a smaller jar - I couldn't put the lid and the weight on, so I just put a cloth over the top.  Here's hoping that 2-3 weeks wasn't too long for me to enjoy my saurkraut.

My version of pandemic anxiety seems to be all about the food.  I started with a strong interest in gardening, which has now become a mournful watching of youtube videos about how to garden and endless plans to sit down and plan how to use the garden bed I got Mrbassman to put together.  But I can seem to worry about food quite well.  We have a growing shopping list, and I seem to be planning my days around how much longer it is until I can make food and then making it.  Although I'm also doing quite well at being overwhelmed and then just waiting for someone else to make it.  I do seem to be using a lot of head space on planning the optimum time to cook bread, what sort of bread I should cook and then blinking to find that the bread has over risen or it's too late to put it in the oven and have it cooked before bed time.

Next, 2 hours of work, as per my daily routine checklist.