MrsBrown's philosophy of life and stuff

I had a lovely play on the piano with Rose this evening.

It was late and we were both avoiding her bedtime.  We sat together at the piano and I played the songs she's up to in the book we've got out for her.  She showed me the pieces she already knows and then I watched the lightbulb go off when she worked out she could read the finger numbers to work out what notes to play.  She played the new song a few times, practising her newly discovered technique.

Then she asked me what the 2/4 numbers meant, and I played her new songs again, while counting out loud for each bar.

I'm really enjoying watching her learn to play.  She doesn't have a teacher or formal lessons, she just has 4 adults who'll variously play the piano themselves and will pay her a bit of attention when she's interested.  She'll also sit at the piano and play for herself - this afternoon she modified one of the pieces she's learned because it "sounds lovely" when she changes the last phrase.

I was keen for my other children to learn music.  I spent money and made them practise.  It was crap and they learned little until they decided to take it on for themselves.

Now the three children at home are having a lovely time playing around with music and teaching themselves.  They're even inspiring me to sit down occasionally.

One of my tricks for getting children to stay in bed is the microwave timer.

You do the bedtime routine, in our case toilet, toothbrushing, hair brushing, pajamas, english reading, chinese reading, a story.  then we leave the room, asking if the door should be left open or closed (this distracts her from the protest about needing another story).

Occasionally, soon after the routine is complete, Rose will get out of bed and demand; an apple, a drink or another story.  She is refused and taken back to bed.  If she gets up again I will then resort to the microwave timer.

I tell her she can have whatever it is she would like - after she has stayed in bed for 20 min.  I then set the microwave timer and walk away.  I have never had to get an apple or read another story.[1]

It was always an occasional thing, but tonight she came out, James told her she could have a story in 20 min and she walked off again to bed.  I think tonight is the third night in a row.  Maybe it's a necessary part of the routine now?

[1] Although it didn't work so well for my niece the other night.  Fair enough really, it was her first night away from her mother. 

aaaargh!!! It was wrong to blog it!!!!

I didn't get any sewing done, but I have audited Rose's Festival clothes and she has the following clothes to wear;

red flemish (cotton)
blue wool pin on sleeves
black wool partlet
black linen partlet
unfinished white linen partlet
black linen apron
green linen apron
green wool surcoat
purple/red tunic with embroidery around the neck (from celsa - was this a borrow or a hand me down?)
red wool hood that will fit until she's bigger than me
ugly blue wool cloak

Notice the lack of underwear?  Every chemise she owns will still fit, but her arms and legs are too long for her.  The hems are at knee height and the arms at the elbow.  Actually, almost all her dresses are in the same category - fit in the body but the skirts are too short.  The only one that doesn't "fit" has set in sleeves - I'll avoid them in future.

I've done really well.  Most of the dresses I discarded tonight have been worn since at least our trip to Canterbury Faire in 2009.

Tonight I patterned some underwear.  I guess I'll sew that sometime between now and Festival... I'm also thinking that some more aprons and partlets could be useful, so she can just change apron and partlet each day and keep her one dress clean enough.  Otherwise, maybe she's ready to just wear plain coloured linen/wool shifts with a belt.  I guess I could button them at the wrist so the sleeves can include growing room but not be annoying.  She could probably dress herself if I went that way...

Or maybe I could just make her another flemish in a lightweight wool with a bag lining - I made the last one in an hour, not including patterning.

I've written before about my experiences with gender in small children.  And today there was another article bemoaning the wearing of pink by girls and the constraint of options they have and how they are described by society and I was reminded of an epiphany I had recently.

We were at Rose's new school and I met one the children from Rose's kinder. Her name was gender neutral and she was dressed in "boy's clothes".  I was fascinated by her because I was feeling really guilty that I hadn't managed to dress Rose that way - for a long time.

And then I looked again.  Yes, Rose was wearing pink.  A pink t-shirt, purple hoody and jeans with pink butterflies embroidered on it.  She was wearing sensible shoes.  She was wearing the same clothes as the other child. And she was sitting on the car mat playing trucks with her best friend - a boy.

Rose is generally dressed for comfort,  she can move easily in her clothes and she enjoys playing with fairy wands AND trucks.  Also, I don't generally buy any of her clothes new, so I get greeny points too.

Maybe worrying about girl's fascination with pink is sidetracking people from the real issue?  Our girls children should be able to wear whatever they want  to be comfortable and express their personality.  They should also play with whatever toys they want to - princess tiaras or trucks.  The colour is irrelevant.

Rose is in her own bed!!!!!

It's holidays and I've given up lately and mr-bassman has been taking her off to our bed where they watch youtube cartoons together until I go to bed when I put my foot down and insist that Rose go to sleep and she does, because its generally 2 hours past her bedtime.

I've just read her stories, tucked her into her her own bed, discussed camping, bonfires on the beach and the stuff we need to take with us when we go to the beach, going fishing and taking her cousin with her and Opa when she goes fishing.

I'm not allowed to close the door to her room, so I'm waiting a little while before I put on the next Brit Rom Com. 

Rose and I just watched "Wimbledon", while the voice in my head said, "what am I doing watching tennis? I hate tennis", while enjoying Paul Bettany being a lovely, in love softy. 

I 've had a quiet day, mostly on the couch, with very little requried of me.  I think it's what I needed.  Either I should stop posting on Friday nights, or I should rename them Friday night angst posts.

Hmmm, she's quiet.  Maybe I can go and collect some chocolate while I close the door to her room and start watching a movie - Notting Hill, Love Actually or 4 Weddings and a Funeral?

I got home early from work today.  Early enough to have a nap and I'm thinking it might be worth getting to work early so I can do it more often.

After my nap we had dinner and then I had enough energy to go and address my garden.  Rose and I headed out and watered, weeded and pruned my veg garden.  OMG, maybe 4 squash plants was a mistake.  Although they're looking interesting growing over the old ladder I set up for them. Sometime soon I'm \going to have to nag mr-bassman to clean up his crap off the lawn so it can be mown - its nearly knee high after the rain.

Once I'd done all I could be bothered with in the backyard, Rose I headed out front where I finally pulled up almost all of the grass between my iris'.  It was even better after I realised that Rose could be praised into thinking that putting the weeds in the bin was a fabulous thing to do.  I even scored praise from a passerby.  He said, "you're doing a good job", but I couldn't work out if he was talking about my weeding or my parenting.  Finished off the weeding with a planting reward - a ground cover thing with pink flowers that Rose chose about 4 weeks ago and I've been paranoid was going to die from a lack of water ever since.  Next planting exercise is the seedlings.   I've been waiting for them to stop being straggly for what seems like weeks now, when are they going to bush up and look like plants instead of seedlings?  Maybe they need more sun than they're getting under the grapevine where I put them so they don't get burnt to a crisp.

Further domestic bliss was experienced when I put on a tape of nursery rhymes (by Maddie Prior and Tim whatsisname) and did the dishes and sang with Rose.  I capped off my Happy Family experience by washing her (a once in a fortnight or so event), brushing her teeth (happens most days at least once, more often since she started kinder), found her pajamas (once every couple of days), read stories (most nights except when she falls asleep at 6pm) and then she happily turned over and went to sleep without asking for water, another toilet visit or to have some food.

Good news on her calcium intake though - the grated cheese is a winner.  Rose doesn't drink milk, was refusing cheese sandwiches or other lumps of cheese and was playing with her morning yoghurt instead of eating it.  On my list of things to do is to find other foods beside dairy that can give her the 4 or so servings she's supposed to be having.

Rose just asked me if her dog was still at the Vet's.

When I explained that we took her there so the vet would put her to sleep and then she'd died and been buried, Rose burst into tears and talked about how she wanted her dog back.

She made me cry.

From an article in The Age;


Royal Botanic Gardens, Melbourne Explore the vegie garden with a story and gardening fun (Jan 6, 14, 19 & 20, 10am-11am, ages 4-8, $10). Ian Potter Children's Garden, Birdwood Ave, South Yarra. Tel: 9252 2429, www.rbg.vic.gov.au

Abbotsford Convent's new Supper Market, Fridays 6pm-10pm to Feb 26, Heliers St, Abbotsford, suppermarket.com.au

Melbourne Museum Get up close to the animals in Wild: Amazing Animals in a Changing World with activities themed around this new permanent display including making an animal mask in Creature Features (Dec 26-Jan 31, daily 11am-3pm); or take part in a 20-minute Wild party in the Milarri Garden with music, dance and games (Jan 1-31, noon, 1pm & 2pm). Open daily 10am-5pm (closed Dec 25). Nicholson St, Carlton. $8, child/conc free, all activities included in entry. Tel: 131 102, museumvictoria.com.au

NICA @ Fed Square Try your hand at basic circus skills at fun drop-in workshops with experienced NICA trainers. Suits all ages. Jan 14-Mar 18, Mondays noon-2pm. Fed Square Amphitheatre, city. Free. nica.com.au

ACMI The bumper program of films includes the popular Kids' Classics with free screenings of Eloise: Little Miss Christmas and the all-chimp spy spoof series from the 1970s Lancelot Link: Secret Chimp (Dec 14-Jan 30, Mon-Fri 11am, Sat 11.15am). The Kids' Flicks program screens nine films including Meet Me in St Louis (G), The Muppet Christmas Carol (G), Tarzan, the Ape Man (G), Dunston Checks In (G), Curious George (G) and the computer-animated Space Chimps (G) (Dec 13-Jan 30, dates vary, 1pm; $5). ACMI Cinemas, Fed Square, city. Tel: 8663 2200, acmi.net.au, thatsmelbourne.com.au

The Wind in the Willows Kenneth Grahame's story of life on the riverbank is an established family fave. Dec 29-Jan 30 (no shows Jan 1 or 26), 11am & 6pm, Tues-Sat. Royal Botanic Gardens, Birdwood Ave, Gate F, South Yarra. $25, group of four $90. Tel: 1300 122 344 or 136 100, australianshakespearecompany.com.au

Some might call this the second shift.

We just got home from visiting my Dad.  MsNotaGot went to bed, mr-bassman went to bed with his laptop and I sat with Rose until she fell asleep again after getting out of the car.  Everyone's tired after a busy day of moving furniture to the point where everyone could have a bed in the right place.  Rose is sleeping in her own room for the first time tonight.

But I made a cake for Rose to take to kinder tomorrow where they will celebrate her birthday.  Then I punched down the bread I started this morning and put it in a tin so it can rise overnight and I can cook it in the morning while I eat breakfast.  I cleaned up the kitchen a bit and spoke to Sneetch for the first time today.

If I were the overachiever I normally think of when people talk about the second shift, I would still be in the kitchen; cleaning up while I wait for the cake to finish cooking before I can go to bed.  And then I'd set up my laptop on the kitchen table and finish that technical paper you're all over hearing me angst about.

But I'm going to spend my cake waiting time posting this and then reading the internet.  I might watch some telly or read a mag.  Also, mr-bassman will get the joy of cleaning up the rest of the kitchen tomorrow, so it doesn't feel properly sacrificial enough to get proper opression points and count as a second shift in the feminist sense.

OTOH, I'd really prefer to go to bed, even if I do have something self indulgent to occupy my time with.

Yesterday, Mordwen posted an extract from qamar's blog about the development of gender stereotypes, particularly in children.

I started to post a response, but it's more about me than I think is reasonable in someone else's blog, so here's a story about me and my experiences of gender.

qamar quoted a study I had spent some time talking with my mother about when I was a teenager.  I guess it was part of me working out my own gender identity.  It's the study where babies are dressed in "boys" or "girls" clothes and then the behavior of strangers towards the babies was observed to be dependent on the clothes the babies were wearing.

My first gender related story is of a memory I have of being about 4.  I remember standing in front of a mirror, I was wearing blue shorts and a striped t-shirt.  It was summer and I was looking at myself and wishing, wishing really hard, that I was a boy.  I spent most of the time until I hit puberty trying to be mistaken for a boy. It still makes me grin when people mistake me for a man, or call me "mate".

After MrPeacock was born I remember not buying a pink skivvie for him.  I noted at the time what I was doing, but decided to go with it.  I didn't have that problem for Sneetch - he wore his sister's handmedowns, even the skirts until he was about 3.5.  I was always amused to take him to childcare in a skirt and pick him up wearing pants.  He stopped wearing skirts when he decided he didn't want to.

When MsNotaGoth was about 4 I gave her a haircut.  As I did it I realised that I was making it look worse and worse, so I cut it all off, leaving it about 2cm long all over.  After that she spent more time playing with boys because they were more likely to include her in their games.  She also played with girls happily and I concluded that it was worth this piece of subterfuge to broaden her play options.  Maybe it's time to cut Rose's hair?  

I was interested to see how small boys defined gender.  Until MsNotaGoth went to school she was quite happy to wear dresses, they were her favourite clothes.  Then, after a week at school, she refused to wear dresses anymore.  The boys had been teasing her as if she were a boy wearing a dress.  She didn't wear a dress again until she was about 14, and still won't wear dresses without a dressing up reason.  Then again, I'm pretty similar.

Another time, maybe just before she started school, we went camping for the weekend with a group of extended family.  She was found with her pants around her ankles proving to a group of boys that she really was a girl.

In terms of my boys questioning stereotypes, I guess I've made a bit of a fuss about MrPeacock and his attitude to clothes.  Would he be called MsPeacock if he were a girl?  I love how he dresses and I love it when he's stood in front of the mirror discussing the exact cut of a piece o clothing, but I also feel a little bit uncomfortable and guilty in relation to my pleasure.

I think I've encouraged his interest in clothes - I've always praised him when he chooses clothes that match well, I've gone shopping with him and I loved it when I was choosing his clothes and could put him in interesting colour combinations and make him look great.

My children have always had a different view of gender to your average child.  We always delighted in telling them about their father's dress and makeup collection and I didn't own any makeup until my wedding 6 years ago (tomorrow!).  I work in a non traditional area and frequently do stuff (I can't think of anything right now) that other women don't do.  And then I muck it all up by having 4 children and enjoying cooking and sewing.  I guess their Dad mucks it up too by calling himself a feminist and then behaving/speaking aggressively towards women advocating feminism in a way that excludes him.

Anyway, with Rose life is more interesting again.  Her father has a much more traditional view of gender than the other kids dad did, and I'm more relaxed about just enjoying what ever person she becomes.  I have much less interest in playing games with society than I did when my other children were small.  I just want her to have a good time, and not feel that she has to fight with stuff all the time.  OTOH, we still seem to have trained her not to cry when she falls over, and to enjoy playing with blocks, trains, cars and computers.  I'm also pretty sure I would have estimated her crawling abilities accurately.