Safety

Mar. 14th, 2016 08:25 am
mrsbrown: (tent)
 My dream this morning was about finding a safe place to give birth.

There was a monster/demon looking for me and they needed me before I had given birth.  I was at Festival and a midwife agreed to find me a quiet space at the hospital, with the right people around me.  People who could protect me from the demon.

We found the spot. I was a bit exposed, near the front entrance and the Bishop came.  I asked "why him" and the midwife spoke of her faith.  When I turned  to tell him to go, he was gone.  The others came and talked of their skills and we set up a curtain to screen me from the entrance.

Time passed and I had the urge to leave.  I knew the midwife was the wrong person so I secretly left with my companion and the demon fighting equipment.  We walked through the linear park.  I was heading for the dog enclosure, a place surrounded by trees.

I heard something coming behind us and I started running and we missed the access to my preferred destination and ended up in the tunnels.  After running for a while more

We chose the exit and looked back where we saw the midwife sitting, waiting.  We ignored her and headed for the trees.  I sat and, while I wasn't in pain, knew that it wasn't long before I gave birth.  A woolly alpaca type animal came over, but ignored me and addressed something behind a large tree.  While that was happening, a larger than life, godlike person came to me and insisted on checking my blood pressure and birth progress. (It's ok, no vaginal exam).  As she finished the alpaca ran forward and killed the invisible monster hiding behind the tree.

I was pretty happy.  There were trees around and I could give birth.  I started feeding apples into the processor.


There was also a meeting with my prospective birth attendants in a restaurant.  A real life acquaintance was there with her daughter and I made several attempts to get her to be interested in the reason I was there.  I even found a picture story book with Violent Femmes lyrics for her daughter, but it wouldn't work, I couldn't get her to pay me attention.

I think this dream is about safety and how I don't feel safe right now.  About how my safety and value as a member of the sca community was attacked yesterday in my interactions of facebook.  I had four negative interactions and I'm feeling sufficiently fragile that they hit me really hard and made me dream about my safety in that environment.



sss
I wish people would acknowledge the good intentions that people have, rather than putting them straight into the "authenticity nazi" bucket.


I'm feeling a bit better that I was able to be safe, and also about the re-birth aspects.  Also amused that when I had found a safe place I was able to grate apples.
There

mrsbrown: (Default)
I just watched "Why we make bad decisions" (I'm making lots of them at the moment) and, at the very end he answers a question about how to get people interested in making a positive decision about the future.

I'm impressed with myself, because it's a technique I use all of the time; I imagine how I'm going to feel in a week or a year, when I'm suffering the consequences of some half arsed decision.  I learned it from renovating - making a decision that I was too tired to fully clean the grout off the tiles I'd just grouted and then sitting on the toilet for the next 2 years wishing that I'd done a better job.

mrsbrown: (Default)
I think the schedule thing failed, so I give up.  Yesterday, I hit the "sit down and internet" item on the schedule and stayed there for the rest of the day, only interrupted when the dinner guest deadline arrived.  Luckily it did, or it would have been cheese on toast for dinner.

Sometime soon I will run out of internet based things to do and get out of bed to attempt the Rowany Festival packup/cleanup thing and cleaning all of the house.  Although if I wanted to stay in bed I could probably do paid work for the rest of the day.

I think Rose needs to get out of the house and/or a bit engaged in the world before she heads to school tomorrow.  She's a bit grumpy right now for that to go well. I can't do that from my bed, unfortunately.

I've spent the morning obsessing over getting organised for Quest, you've probably seen the 10 separate updates to the event description on FB, the advertising, the event form and the booking form.  I've also started making a list of the infrastructure we'll need.

I have a tentative sewing/clothing list for Quest:
wool flemish for me
wool jacket for me
black wool partlet for me
black gumboots for Rose and me
Woolen venetians for Rose
woolen thermals for rose
And I'll be fitting that around work - lots of work, apple processing next weekend, spring cleaning and decluttering the whole house, paying someone to re-roof the house (just decided to pay someone else to paint the house too).

It's a good think I just started paying for office space 2 days a week - I'm going to need to cram all work into 3 days so I can do the rest of the stuff I want to do on thursdays and Fridays.

a new feed

Nov. 13th, 2012 11:47 am
mrsbrown: (Default)
Today I added a new feed to my dreamwidth reading page - http://khovenga-feed.dreamwidth.org/

Not done

Sep. 3rd, 2011 10:27 pm
mrsbrown: (Default)
I haven't been bike shopping
I haven't finished my gambeson (not for lack of trying)
I haven't hit the pell
I haven't picked up the clothes off my bedroom floor so mr-bassman can vacuum
I didn't buy cat food or milk
I didn't have a nap.

I also didn't
leave the kitchen a filthy mess
make mr-peacock work alone on his gambeson
fail to make progress on the sleeves of my gambeson
insist that mr-bassman catch a taxi to his gig
allow Rose to create havoc or watch TV all day
leave Rose dirty
or fail to support her education
mrsbrown: (Default)
I love reading them.  I have binges when I read lifehacker, seth godin, and tonight I followed a blog I'm reading regularly to Derek Sivers.[1]

Tonight they all seem to be saying, "find the thing you feel passionate about and go do it".  The photo below really excites me:



And, of course, I have a thing I'm currently saying "Hell Yes" to.  Except that saying yes to that thing will have implications for the other things I want to say "Hell Yes" to.  I collect stuff to say "Hell Yes" to.  and I also collect the consequences of saying Yes.

That's how I became a mother.  The first time I had sex I faced the question all women face;  what do I do if I get pregnant?  and as I started to problem solve I realised that I quite liked the idea.  That what would be a disaster for some was actually going to be an exciting way to live my life.  I didn't get pregnant that time, but a year or two later, when my partner and I started being silly about contraception and pregnancy became a real option, I could leap into that decision with enthusiasm.  I said, "Hell Yes" and started a path that has encompassed everything I've done since.

I don't think these people writing their lovely money spinning blogs understand about consequences.  How do you say, "hell yes" when last year's "hell yes" is lying on your shoulder dribbling?  Or needs a roof over their head and an education?  or funding for their own "hell yes".

OTOH, I don't think that Hell Yes 23 years ago has stopped me from doing what excites or scares me.

I love the feeling I get when I'm finding stuff I want to say "hell yes" to.  I get a little bit of a glint in my eye (I can feel it glinting), and a big grin on my face and start a sentence with, "wouldn't it be cool to..."  My problem is not that I don't want to do stuff, it's that I have so many things I want to do it's hard to work out what I really want to do.  I think I say "Hell Yes" too easily and then don't follow through.

[1] Of course, the best thing to keep in mind while reading this stuff is from 43folders - Why am I here right now instead of making something cool on my own? What’s the barrier to me starting that right now?


OK, I've written my view of the world, it's got lots of links to the club of people preaching individualism and self actualisation.  Can I have my book deal now please?

mrsbrown: (Default)
For the past several weeks I've been getting out of bed at about 6.30am.  I rarely sleep in anymore.

I wake up, I lie in bed for a while, wondering what time it is and trying to go back to sleep.  My mind thinks over all the things I could do.  I decide what I'm going to do and I get up.

I make a cup of tea and I open my computer.  I read LJ, Facebook, my email, The Age. Then I quickly check LJ in case someone has posted in the hour that its taken me to do that process, then I reload Facebook for anything new.  I check dreamwidth for differences from LJ and then I might make a post myself.

Ninety minutes later I struggle to remember what I had planned to do.

I'm glad I get up so early.  I still have the whole day ahead of me.  I'll just check Facebook....
mrsbrown: (Default)
Some might call this the second shift.

We just got home from visiting my Dad.  MsNotaGot went to bed, mr-bassman went to bed with his laptop and I sat with Rose until she fell asleep again after getting out of the car.  Everyone's tired after a busy day of moving furniture to the point where everyone could have a bed in the right place.  Rose is sleeping in her own room for the first time tonight.

But I made a cake for Rose to take to kinder tomorrow where they will celebrate her birthday.  Then I punched down the bread I started this morning and put it in a tin so it can rise overnight and I can cook it in the morning while I eat breakfast.  I cleaned up the kitchen a bit and spoke to Sneetch for the first time today.

If I were the overachiever I normally think of when people talk about the second shift, I would still be in the kitchen; cleaning up while I wait for the cake to finish cooking before I can go to bed.  And then I'd set up my laptop on the kitchen table and finish that technical paper you're all over hearing me angst about.

But I'm going to spend my cake waiting time posting this and then reading the internet.  I might watch some telly or read a mag.  Also, mr-bassman will get the joy of cleaning up the rest of the kitchen tomorrow, so it doesn't feel properly sacrificial enough to get proper opression points and count as a second shift in the feminist sense.

OTOH, I'd really prefer to go to bed, even if I do have something self indulgent to occupy my time with.
mrsbrown: (Default)
I have a policy.  Don't drink more than 2 glasses of wine when it's associated with work.

I had three glasses with lunch today.

There's another policy.  Intersperse your alcohol consumption with water.  I'm curently feeling a bit sceptical about this policy.  I think it means that you drink so much water that you can't talk at the end of lunch - not because of the wine, but because you can't cross your legs and eyes sufficiently to hold your bladder and appear like an intelligent, useful professional.

The good news is that I caught all of the spelling/typing mistakes beforee infliciting them on you.

Also, my colleagues also went out to lunch today.  They're not back yet.  They party better than I do.
mrsbrown: (Default)
What is it with me and things to do?

Since Friday I have decided to do the following things:

make garden beds and plant them with tomatoes, capsicum and basil
install the water tank I got for free from work
move the compost bin and make more garden bed where the compost bin is
help Sneetch make curtains (fabric bought cheap yesterday)
recover the couch in my living room that has a bunch of rips and looks ugly (fabric bought cheap yesterday)
clean my bedroom and get my dry cleaning processed
clean the sink
go to Bash.

I have to do every single one of these things RIGHT NOW!!! but there are so many things that I've immobilised myself with indecision and it's quite likely I won't do any of them. 

Of course, before I can start one of them I have to do the following things;

find Rose's clothes
dress Rose
argue with Rose about TV watching
find clothes for me to wear (probably getting sidetracked into tidying my room)
finish writing this blarney

by which time, it will be time to organise snacks and clothes for Bash. (Yes, I could dump Bash, but I don't really want to - I want to find the bits of my old life I enjoyed and rework them so I can keep doing them)

Sometimes I don't understand my brain.
mrsbrown: (Default)
I was pottering around in the kitchen and MrPeacock, MsNotaGoth and Sneetch were watching TV.  They were much younger then and we all lived in a different, open plan house with the kitchen and loungeroom in the same space.

A song came on and I was transfixed.  It got better when one of my favourite singing groups came on.  I laughed and clapped and sang along.  

I've spent years watching Sesame Street trying to capture the experience.  I've also spent those years trying to tell others of my joy and failing because my singing was never as good as in my head.

Today I found it.  Tell me it's awesome.



mrsbrown: (Default)
Rose woke me up just after mr-bassman did, but that was at 6ish, so not so bad.

Then she chatted, and wriggled until I finally got up at 7am.  I had a shower, chatted with Rose the whole time and then I had to work out what clothes to wear and all I wanted to do was climb into bed and tell the whole world to f*ck off!

I now have jeans and the nearest top on, and some toast and tea warms my belly.

I'd still rather work from home today, but the world is not quite as bleak as it was as I contemplated dressing.

OTOH, I still have to work out what to wear...
mrsbrown: (Default)
On Monday night my mother told me of the beans she likes to eat and how they were kept.

Mum calls them "Snee boon" and they're longer than normal beans. Apparently they're called european or continental beans here.

When Mum was a child, the family had an earthenware pot into which the beans were laid with salt. After a quick wash, they could eat beans year round.

My book of preserving, "Keeping Food Fresh" has the recipe.
mrsbrown: (Default)
The first Four'n Twenty pies, about 50 a day, were baked in Bendigo in 1947 by Les McClure.

When I was in high school I learnt to row. I rowed about 4-5 times a week, getting up at 6.30am to be on the water by 7am on school days and then rowing a regatta on Saturday or Sunday. For the first time in my life I was consciously fit and healthy and I bounded up and down the stairs at school and enjoyed the feeling of my muscles working as I climbed the hill from the river to the Swanston St bridge.

At the rowing club was a man called Bill. He was about 86 when I knew him and he taught us all to row. Sometimes, to get his point across, he would stand in the boat in the middle of the river.

When he was 20ish, he was a plumber and he worked in Bendigo. He would ride his bike to jobs all over the district, with his tools in a trailer behind. After work he would head to the boat shed at the Bendigo Lake and row. After rowing they would wrestle, for fun. Once, he and some mate from the rowing club rode their bikes to Sydney, to prove that they could. I was dreadfully impressed.

He also told me a story about turning up to a job at a bakery in Bendigo, to connect gas to an oven I think. The baker told him that he was going to make pies and would call them "four and twenty" after the children's song about blackbirds in a pie.

Waking up

Mar. 18th, 2009 01:26 pm
mrsbrown: (Default)
This morning I woke with tears in my eyes and then had a really big cry.

I dreamed of Jim and Murgatroyd.

It's certainly colouring the way I experience my day. I wonder why I had that dream?
mrsbrown: (sca baby)
Tonight I sewed the butonholes on MrPeacock's new fencing jacket.

And then the machine stopped making nice buttonholes, it just went forwards and backwards with a skinny zig-zag stitch.

Luckily I had done all the main jacket ones.

I had a nice time using one of the wood chisels to cut the buttonholes. Why didn't someone tell me that it's so easy?

I'm just waiting on MrPeacock so I can work out where the buttons go and the thing wil be finished.

This weekend is a sewnig weekend. I'm going to:

cut out a new dress for me and sew it together enough that it can have a final fitting on Tuesday night
make venetians for Sneetch
make sleeves for Rose
make a Bruegal coat for Rose
make shirts to go with Sneetch's venetians (I'll use my new copy of POF4 for that!!), but without embroidery.

I'm also heading to the werribee zoo on Sunday to bond with my sister, allow Rose to play with her cousin, check out the animal exhibits, eat African food and enjoy [livejournal.com profile] mr_bassman's gig at 5.30pm

It's a good thing [livejournal.com profile] mr_bassman just pulled apart the sewing machine and "lubricated the shaft" and also that MsNotaGoth will be looking after Rose all day Saturday and Monday.
mrsbrown: (Default)
After lunch today I lay on the bean bag at work for a pick me up kip.

I woke an hour and a half later!
mrsbrown: (Default)
or else other people have a different definition of reasonable?

First incident:

At Aldi this morning I was the second person in the queue at the check out. My trolley wasn't amazing full (but it cost me an awful lot more money than it should have, impulse buys!). I was approached by a slightly older woman with a bag of stuff and a couple of other items, there might have been less than 12 items, but maybe not. She asked if she could go ahead of me in the line. I said no and she went away to the other line. To try someone else I suppose.

Second incident:

I was driving my Flexicar back to its carparking spot. As I drove into the street there was some one doing a U-turn and I followed him to go and park in the correct place. Then he parked in my Flexicar spot. I tooted and indicated that he should move. I tooted again. Then I put the car into neutral and got out to explain that the car I was driving had to be parked in the spot he had put his car. The spot clearly marked, "No Standing - Flexicar only". He pleaded with me and told me that he would be "only a minute, he just had to pick something up". I repeated my story and told him I expected him to move. He then locked his car and started walking away!!

That's when I enabled booming embarassing voice, "I THINK YOU ARE BEING VERY RUDE, YOU SHOULD COME BACK HERE AND MOVE YOUR CAR". All the people in nearby Victoria St stopped to look and he scurried back to his car and moved it. I was only just leaving the car when he came back, so he was right, he was going to be only a minute, OTOH, how annoyed would I have been if he hadn't returned?

BTW, come and buy a fighter at Arrowsreach Tournament tomorrow and raise money for the Bushfires, as well a possibly winning a groovy medieval thing.

Binka

Jan. 31st, 2009 11:01 am
mrsbrown: (parenting)
There's no one posting to keep me entertained so I will. Although it won't be entertaining.

I'm sitting at the kitchen table waiting for it to be time to take Binka to the vet for the last time. We have an appointment at 11.15am.

While she seems almost normal she's breathing too fast and it's noisy as the air whistles through the obstruction in her nostrils.

She's quiet, preferring to lie out flat rather than paying attention to what's happening. And when we open the gate, she walks rather runs to greet us.

If we were home for the next week, I'd just watch her and wait a little, but we're not. And MsNotaGoth doesn't need the concern during her first week of school.

I met a good friend at the market this morning. As she said, the sooner I choose the more likely it is that Binka will have the death I'd prefer.

I guess that's what I'm doing.

Update

Jan. 19th, 2009 11:41 pm
mrsbrown: (domestic goddess)
Tonight was the night to start putting the kitchen back together.

It's the sad part of renovating, where you have to admit that you have more stuff than really fits into that beautiful, expansive space you had when you just finished painting and the room was empty.

Sorry [livejournal.com profile] mmy_me, I hadn't got back to you sooner. It would be great if you had some clothes for Rose at Canty Faire. I'm not sure how tall she is, and she's asleep now, but her last dress was about 80cm from shoulder to hem.

And the weather next weekend? I wish the Bureau would get it together. When I checked this arvo, Saturday had a day of 36 forecast. Now that's disappeared and the temperatures all weekend are predicted to be no higher than 24. Hooray! no fire ban!! No dying of heat prostration!! Of course that's not the forecast for Ballarat, but it seems to be fairly close to melbourne's forecast for the other days this week and there isn't a 7 day forecast available.

This morning I politely asked the person sitting next to me on the tram if he could turn down his music player. He looked a bit non-plussed, but complied. The two men on the other side of the tram (unrelated to either my neighbor or each other) told me off! Apparently, music players are the modern thing and if I have a problem I should move!! I suspect the woman sitting opposite to me turned UP her music player on purpose and ignored me when I asked her to turn it down. Next time I have a problem I think I'll make my seagull imitation noise. When they complain I'll explain that if they have a problem they should move away from me. It would be embarassing if they didn't complain about my seagull noise, but most people (even my friends) complain after the second one, so it probably won't be a problem.

Oh, and MrPeacock has been offered a place in Science at Melbourne Uni. The offer says that enrolment day is next Tuesday - do you still have to go there to enrol? 'Cos that will be difficult while he's in href="http://www.defence.gov.au/Army/artc/training.html">Kapooka doing basic training and I'm not keen to take another day off work. I wonder what subjects he wants to do? He didn't get around to telling me before he left.
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